Fallen Friend Fallen Enemy

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fractal007
Senior Member

since 2000-06-01

Posts 1958

0 posted 2001-05-05 03:32 AM

Sword has fallen down to death,
Hatred's life is suck'd right out.
He left, ablaze in glori'us love for all.
I stand upove the prec'pice deep and shout!
"Your end's come, o hatred, spite and death!
And from those nostrils dark, your final breath!"

They say my friend's a myth and fallen one.
But I believe he's like the rising sun.

"If history is to change, let it change. If the world is to be destroyed, so be it. If my fate is to die, I must simply laugh"

-- Magus

anonymous albert ?

Member Elite

since 2001-03-23

Posts 2979

1 posted 2001-05-05 03:34 AM

interesting poem kevin..
i liked that you have your own style of poetry..good job..and keep writing

...?

if i die before i wake , i pray the lord my soul will take-"when thugs cry"

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

2 posted 2001-05-05 03:35 AM

I liked the poem and the theme, but i didn't feel the flow was right...something happened there. I liked it a lot though and liked the last line especially. Good conclusion to the whole thing.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

Allan Riverwood

Member Elite

since 2001-01-04

Posts 3502
Winnipeg

3 posted 2001-05-05 03:47 AM

Yes, the ending was great but the whole thing didn't have a good enough meter to keep it flowing correctly.
Still a good poem, very vague.

~Allan

Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
~Unknown

fractal007
Senior Member

since 2000-06-01

Posts 1958

4 posted 2001-05-05 05:01 AM

Allan:

Nah..  I was just trying to plug my right wing Christian agenda, so I had to be vague about it.  LOL, j/k.

This is a Christian poem, but more of an archetypal one.  It seems that in my absence, you've gotten the nack of meter.  Since the other places I was hanging out at are almost all but dead, I think I'll increase my poetic abilities over the next few days.

Thanks everybody else for the replies here.

"If history is to change, let it change. If the world is to be destroyed, so be it. If my fate is to die, I must simply laugh"

-- Magus

Fading Away

Member Elite

since 2001-03-14

Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia

5 posted 2001-05-05 01:11 PM

Nice flow here! I like this a lot.. it's powerful despite the length. Nice work!

--Marie

Don't ever be someone's slogan, because you are poetry.

lonely*soul
Member

since 2001-04-05

Posts 396
east haddam (moodus) ct :)

6 posted 2001-05-05 06:05 PM

OUCH... short but sweet (hehe) marie is saying great flow and everyone else thinks its bumpy..anyways...i liked it so thats all that matters hehe
*KiM*

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