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Teen Poetry #4
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Slow Dance
| Teen Poetry #4 |
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Slow Dance |
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Carly and Allan New Member
since 2001-04-28
Posts 5USA/Canada 
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(Hey dudes! It's Allan and Carly... we decided we post enough collaborative work, and the copywrights would be better if they said both of our names instead of just one. Also it's just easier and neater this way.  Well here's our first poem as an official team! Hope you enjoy!) "Slow Dance" Eyesight dissolves a yellow moon And I, myself with one did swoon Upon a field of flowers true I slow danced all alone The Starlit night was all I loathed While standing naked, fully clothed See fleeting flights of grey and mauve I never was alone Amidst the falling of the stars The lamplight dimmed, romantic, sparse Creating lum'nous prison bars And walls of solid stone Yet still within the room of gray I held your hand, all night, all day And kissed you in that gentle way Together, all alone |
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| © Copyright 2001 Carly A. Van Dort/B. James Lee - All Rights Reserved | |||
LoveBug
Moderator
Member Elite
since 2000-01-08
Posts 4697 |
Hey guys! Judging from this, I'm assuming there will be more duets from you, and I'm really looking forward to it. This piece was beautiful, the imagery and flow were perfect. When two extremely talented people such as yourselves get together, you know the results are going to be amazing, and you didn't disappoint on this one. Thanks for sharing!  "Men judge generally more by the eye than by the hand, for everyone can see and few can feel."-Machiavelli |
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Alwye
Moderator
Member Elite
since 1999-06-16
Posts 3850In the space between moments |
Oh my....romantic and truly gorgeous poetry. This collaboration is wonderful! I enjoyed the read and the rich, vivid images...you two are a sucess!  *Krista Knutson* |
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Lakewalker Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289On the streets w/ people |
You two are really into this. That's cool I think this one was really good, keep them coming!"Be kind for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle" Plato. |
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anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
awesome idea you two..hehe..  and yea...the poem was as always great.. i'm glad two of the best poets got together to collaborate on poetry... keep up the great work you guys be doing.. and i'll see you guys around...byee   ...?if i die before i wake , i pray the lord my soul will take-"when thugs cry" |
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Heavens Tears
since 2001-03-15
Posts 677 |
This was a great idea. Two minds are better than one. Two poets are better than one. See a pattern? Well, great job both of you. *~*Amanda*~* |
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cherish Senior Member
since 2001-03-25
Posts 1639swimming in fairy floss........... |
wow..this was GREAT!!...i loved the lines: While standing naked, fully clothed & Together,all alone Awesome poem guys!! "Life is not long and boring, |
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Kevin
since 1999-11-02
Posts 729Torrington, Ct, Usa |
AWESOME (print print print) |
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banburycross Senior Member
since 2001-03-27
Posts 946viginia |
wow, both of you have so much talent and when you collaborate on poetry it comes out beautifully. i like this a lot, i hope you keep writing together. Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing. |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
This was AWESOME! This poem was simply amazing. Wowish!!!!! WOW!!!! You two did amazing on this one. One of my favorites in my whole time of reading all the thousands of poems in Passions....this is def. one of the top 10 in my eyes. VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY well done!  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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Jenn Cirrincione
since 2000-07-02
Posts 2107Fl |
Hmmmm... so this is what you meant Allan. This was really good.... Is this written from experience? "I've come too close to happiness, to have it swept away,don't think I can take the pain, never fall again..." Janet |
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Elizabeth
Moderator
Member Ascendant
since 1999-06-07
Posts 6871Minnesota |
Loved the poem! I couldn't even detect any differences in the stanzas. Hope to read more from both of you...and I know I will! |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
Erica - I'm glad you enjoyed this! Yes, indeed we do plan on having many many more works for you all to see, in fact we just recently completed another to post for all of you. Thanks for reading! Rock on girl!  Krista - Your praise means a lot to me, personally. I'm very pleased that you liked the images, it really was a fun portrait to paint for us. Lakewalker - Yes, we are really into this. It's infinitely rewarding to write with another poet, it improves not only the quality of the work but the emotion and perspective as well. Thanks for the reading and the kind words. Albert - Two of the best poets? Aww you're so sweet to us. Yes, we're sticking together on this project! All great things to come...Amanda - You have no clue how right you are, two minds/two poets are truly better than one. We're not stopping here, no sir! Thanks for the reading! Cherish - I'm glad you picked a line by each of us. haha One of us might have felt a bit left out otherwise. Yes, those lines were some of my favourites too, kind of a contradictory sense. Thanks for the kind words!Kevin - Print away.  Peter - Yes, we do have talent. Yes, this is beautiful. And yes, one thing about collaborations is that you need not be humble; because it's only half your own work!  Mwa ha ha! Javier - I always look forward to your replies because they are honest. This makes your praise (which was pretty signifigant already, what with you putting this top ten and all  ) all that much more meaningful. I really am glad that you liked this one enough to rival it against everything you've ever read, that's greatly flattering to me, and Carly was really excited to read your reply too. "Javier really liked Slow Dance! Go see!" Was what she said. That kid rules. Jenn - Nosy, gossipy girl. Elizabeth - The stanzas weren't necessarily written alternately, we each just wrote two of them. Thanks for the reading of them. I think we are starting to compliment one another's styles well, so it makes it harder to tell who wrote what. Glad everyone enjoyed this! ~Allan Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life. |
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knightlyshadows Senior Member
since 2001-04-14
Posts 791obscured vision |
lol yall need to post so more like this! theyre rad  loves u muchs grrrrrr@allan and u know y dork buttocks:P tiff  “A single choice can build destinies,or destroy them.” |
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Jenn Cirrincione
since 2000-07-02
Posts 2107Fl |
Allan... grrr Watch yourself...grrr "I've come too close to happiness, to have it swept away,don't think I can take the pain, never fall again..." Janet |
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vixengrl04 Member
since 2001-04-26
Posts 495East Haddam, CT |
This was really good, you guys obviously make a great team! I'm impressed, and hope to see more work from the both of ya! ~*Nikki*~ ~*Of all the millions of people in the world, I'm just me.*~ |
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SEA
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
Hey you two! This is amazing!! I loved this and I'm keeping it in my library wow, you two together are wonderful! Great job! SEA |
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Ina Senior Member
since 2000-10-09
Posts 1236Quebec, Canada |
Great work allan and carly!! whoo who!! (claps) congrats!!!! Regina "Take a look at my face, there's no price I won't pay |
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keoni Senior Member
since 2000-10-16
Posts 850Up in the mountains in the NFC |
Oh, man! whoa. Uh! I can't use full sentences. What an amazing poem. The last stanza did it for me. It is one of my favorites. Definately going in the library. Don't want to lose this one. Jon "Your anger is a gift"-Rage Against The Machine |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
WOW!!! This one's going straight to my library! It's so beautiful! Everything in it is amazingly written.. you guys ROCK! --Marie subconsciously, i think i can eat so much to make my stomach hurt, instead of my heart. |
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Linc
since 2001-03-07
Posts 552The Backstreet Boy |
Wow Allan and Carly (hey I like that name its cool) This is really cool two of my favorite poets in one I think I am going to like this! Well back to the poem its absolutely wonderful and yes its going into my library. Until you two’s (that’s a weird word two’s) next poems -- Linc "Once you reach your original goal it seems that the journey was your real accomplishment." |
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Sven
since 1999-11-23
Posts 14937East Lansing, MI USA |
wow. . . I really like this one!! okay. . . let's see some more!!! --------------------------------------------------------- To the world, you may only be one person. But to one person, you may be the world. |
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Child of the Stars
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658Ann Arbor, MI |
Thanks for the replies guys, means a lot to tha both of us! Yeah, we know, we rock..haha...It's a ton of fun working with that guy. Well peace out and thanks again! ~Carly "Your joy is your sorrow unmasked. And the self-same well from which your laughter rises was often-times filled with your tears." ~Kahil Gibran [This message has been edited by Child of the Stars (edited 05-01-2001).] |
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Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774Ontario, Canada |
WOW! What a dynamic duo you two are! Excellent writing ... such a lovely format and tender sentiments, it flowed beautifully. Much enjoyed! Best wishes, /Kit |
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DancinQueen
since 2000-07-29
Posts 1092Kokomo,IN,USA |
wonderful guys **You can't always trust the people you want to** |
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lonely*soul Member
since 2001-04-05
Posts 396east haddam (moodus) ct :) |
you guys make such a wicked awsome team...great job...and i knew both you guys rocked at poetry..but together...im swept away...most definatly one of my favs. of all time. hope to see more calaborations between you two!! *KiM* "i once asked my daddy, daddy, are we going to the moon, and he said, we cant get to the moon from where we are" ~ME (hehe this actully happened to me |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
In this ends, that of a lover's tale For hearts to each have set assail To dance all night, let love prevail Together and not alone Beautiful Poem Guys, beautiful "So long as men can breathe or eyes can see, |
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Dark Angel Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095 |
Carly and Allan, a wonderful colaboration indeed. Very Romantic The Starlit night was all I loathed While standing naked, fully clothed See fleeting flights of grey and mauve I never was alone Amidst the falling of the stars The lamplight dimmed, romantic, sparse Creating lum'nous prison bars And walls of solid stone Especially loved the above stanza's Maree |
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IsGona Senior Member
since 2000-07-14
Posts 723 |
You guys officialy rock. I sm SERIOUSLY looking forward to the next piece from you too. |
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Marshalzu
since 2001-02-15
Posts 2681Lurking |
Wow... This was magnificant... One of the best pieces I have read on PIP... well ever... Keep up the great collaberations... Look forward to the next. Mr Zu " The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots" -Thomas jefferson |
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Temptress
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-06-15
Posts 7136Mobile, AL |
This is perhaps the last piece I might need for the rest of my newsletter assignment. Do you two mind if I include this in my section? Thanks in advance! |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
YES! That is so cool! Yeah! *slaps Carly a high-five* |
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Child of the Stars
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658Ann Arbor, MI |
*returns the high-five and does the Original Happy Dance* "Your joy is your sorrow unmasked. And the self-same well from which your laughter rises was often-times filled with your tears." ~Kahil Gibran |
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Temptress
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-06-15
Posts 7136Mobile, AL |
Thanks! |
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