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Teen Poetry #4

The Charred Remains

Terryloveiris_85
Member

since 2001-04-23

Posts 61
The middle of nowhere

0 posted 2001-05-04 04:14 PM

This is dedicated to a forest that was on fire the other day near me.
The charred remains,
of the forest.
Burnt.

The charred remains,
of the trees.
Black.

The charred remains,
of the plants.
Ashes.

The charred remains,
of the animal dwellings.
Dead.

The charred remains,
of the forest.
Gone.

i'd give eternity to be by your side-goo goo dolls/City of Angels soundtrack

I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to p

Fading Away

Member Elite

since 2001-03-14

Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia

1 posted 2001-05-04 11:50 PM

This is pretty good. I like the repitition and the structure of each stanza. I thought that was pretty creative. Over all, I liked this. Nice job.

--Marie

Don't ever be someone's slogan, because you are poetry.

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

2 posted 2001-05-05 02:39 AM

This was sad cuz the forest burnt down, but it's a natural course of nature that provokes more growth....it'll all come back soon.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

Allan Riverwood

Member Elite

since 2001-01-04

Posts 3502
Winnipeg

3 posted 2001-05-05 03:17 AM

The last line of each stanza was quite powerful, but I especially liked when you used the noun, in the third stanza.  (ashes)
I think that nouns would be more effective in creating an effect than would adjectives, in this situation.  It might be interesting to go over this and make them all end with a noun.
JMHO

~Allan

Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
~Unknown

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