How Can You? (its a song) - pipTalk Forums

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

lonely*soul
Member

since 2001-04-05

Posts 396
east haddam (moodus) ct :)

0 posted 2001-05-03 09:15 PM

k guys...i havent written anything in a while..but i started to write this song (and another one that ill post in a min...)its not done and theres no chorus yet... and i guess the form seems weird..but it sounds good as a song.

memories slowley fading
images burnt in my mind
how can you still bare with me
after i was unkind

how can you still love me like you do
even though i broke your heart in two
how can you still care like you do
after i gave up on you.

how can you look at me and say
you dont regret even one day
you spent with me
you shared with me
you hurt with me
and all for me!

like i said its not done..and once i get sum instruments and not just my voice to it..it might actully be cute

*KiM*

Acies

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-07

Posts 7665
Twilight Zone

1 posted 2001-05-03 09:58 PM

Hey, this is also good. I think you can use the 3rd stanza as part of your chorus. Hmmmm, these kinda songs remind me of the ballads that Lovebug's favorite band sings. You're talented in songwriting too. You should keep it up.

[This message has been edited by acire (edited 05-03-2001).]

SEA

Moderator

Member Seraphic

since 2000-01-18

Posts 22676
with you

2 posted 2001-05-03 09:59 PM

I think, so far, so good

LoneWolf
Member

since 2001-03-10

Posts 384
IL

3 posted 2001-05-03 10:58 PM

hey, ilked this. it looks good so far. good job

It's too bad I'm not as wonderful a person as people say I am, because the world could use a few people like that.

I've learned that even when you

Allan Riverwood

Member Elite

since 2001-01-04

Posts 3502
Winnipeg

4 posted 2001-05-03 11:56 PM

I think this is really good, to be quite honest. I sang it a bit to myself and it sounded good, certainly. For the chorus, I reccomend doing something as different from the verses as possible, to make it more profoundly a chorus. Change the format in which you sing the chorus so that it has more of a transitional effect.

Best of luck with this, be SURE to show us the finished product!
~Allan

Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
~Unknown

anonymous albert ?

Member Elite

since 2001-03-23

Posts 2979

5 posted 2001-05-04 12:34 PM

i think its turning out great kim..
hurry up and finish it so i can see the finished song hehe...
and i dont think the chorus has to be profoundly done..do as you wish that fits the lyrics done already..good luck

...?

if i die before i wake , i pray the lord my soul will take-"when thugs cry"

banburycross
Senior Member

since 2001-03-27

Posts 946
viginia

6 posted 2001-05-04 08:07 AM

i sang this while i read it and it sounds really good. even with me singing it

i think you did a great job on this, and i agree with allan about the chorus, i think if you make the chorus completely different it will make it more profound. ok, i'm gonna go read your other post now...

Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing.

RC
New Member

since 2001-03-10

Posts 1

7 posted 2001-05-04 11:30 AM

You know what you should do, you should play acoustic music with this song, it'd be totally awesome.

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

8 posted 2001-05-04 05:10 PM

Acire seems to know what I was thinkin (good job tuna) cuz i agree with him in the fact that the 3rd stanza should either be or you should base your chorus on it. Like Allan said the chorus should differ a bit from your regular verse....either use some sort of extension in your voice, repetition, or a play on words with different formatting and that could be the chorus.
Well done on the song.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

lonely*soul
Member

since 2001-04-05

Posts 396
east haddam (moodus) ct :)

9 posted 2001-05-04 05:25 PM

hey guys thanx for the awsome imputs...and so you know the chorus does differ....my voice sounds totally diff..and the beat is stretched out..neways..thanx for the replys and check out page 2 for my pother song

Fading Away

Member Elite

since 2001-03-14

Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia

10 posted 2001-05-04 11:45 PM

Nice work!!
I enjoyed this, and I could put a tune to it.  I would love to hear the finished product on MP3.
Everyone keeps talking about the chorus, so I'll give my input and say that I don't think the third stanza should be the chorus.  I agree with Allan that it should be different from the rest of the song, more different than the third stanza.
Anyway, so far so good

Good job.

--Marie

Don't ever be someone's slogan, because you are poetry.

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.