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Teen Poetry #4

A Thought

Le Capitan de L'Amour
Member

since 2000-07-15

Posts 60

0 posted 2001-05-02 08:24 PM

As I think of you I remember the beautiful time spent,as I think of you of my love and inspiration that goes to you, as I think of you the one who gave me anything without asking why, as I think of you I remember the hatress I had towards youfor leving me for pleasure of thought, body, and spirit. And as I think of you I say to myself you are just a thought.

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

1 posted 2001-05-02 09:00 PM

I enjoyed this. I know how you feel completely. I think the word hatress was supposed to be hatred, right? Well anyway, well done!

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

Allan Riverwood

Member Elite

since 2001-01-04

Posts 3502
Winnipeg

2 posted 2001-05-03 07:21 AM

Not bad, but I'd say this belongs in prose...

Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
~Unknown

Fading Away

Member Elite

since 2001-03-14

Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia

3 posted 2001-05-03 01:58 PM

Actually, Allan, I think with a few more line breaks this could be a very nice poem and not so much as prose. I enjoyed the read, nice work!

--Marie

Don't ever be someone's slogan, because you are poetry.

Le Capitan de L'Amour
Member

since 2000-07-15

Posts 60

4 posted 2001-05-03 05:33 PM

Thank you everyone for those recomendations keep it coming!

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