The Trail to the Mountains of Collaboration

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jeremydraul
Senior Member

since 2000-08-01

Posts 1118
State of Despair

0 posted 2001-01-21 11:54 AM

No monotonous note, you know what its about by the style. (Long title too!) Enjoy.

"The Trail to the Mountains of Collaboration"

F or what rationale do I abide.
F ear of devotion, dispersed aside.

R ust crowns upon my tongue,
R evoking words that could’ve rung.

U niformly we draw our swords,
U ngratefulness constantly soared.

S o here I am, awaiting a sign.
S upposively, it’ll come this time.

T ake my hand, we’ll fare this journey,
T railing intricate roads to empathy.

R emain a steadfast pace; don’t lag.
R ural lands effects your will to sag.

A nd we’ll subjugate mountains of trial,
A s sense glues our minds, liberating denial.

T o linger here much longer, is to die.
T hink of departing and unburdening a sigh.

I t spawns acceptance among us two.
I interweaving threads, in me and you.

O ver landscapes of greatness, we prevail.
O nto the next enterprise; do not bail.

N ever let it go, we’ll hike as one.
N o wrong in killing it, under the sun.

J.D. Raulinaitis 1/21/01

"Is it love in my gut, or piss in my bladder?" -Allan Riverwood

Salooma
Senior Member

since 2000-01-28

Posts 781

1 posted 2001-01-21 12:14 PM

as i've already said, great post....
beautiful imagery, great style, wow

Salma

Suga_Baby
Member

since 2000-08-06

Posts 380
Maine, USA

2 posted 2001-01-21 12:40 PM

Woah! This is so wicked cool!! I love the style! Great work

And again: thanx for enlightening me *L*

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

3 posted 2001-01-21 01:24 PM

Very creative here jer. Good job on this one.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

Child of the Stars

Senior Member

since 2000-09-07

Posts 1658
Ann Arbor, MI

4 posted 2001-01-21 01:36 PM

Apart from a few breaks in the reading cuz of syllables, this was a truly great piece. The talent you possess with word choices is stupendous.

~Carly

inspiration of my art search for light out of the dark all the pictures in my heart lie awake there in my fog...

Lakewalker
Member Elite

since 2000-08-05

Posts 3289
On the streets w/ people

5 posted 2001-01-22 04:58 PM

Nice use of the style, and nice job on the poem

"Disagreements stimulate thought, thought stimulates action, and action stimulates life." --Lakewalker
http://www.thehungersite.com

Acies

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-07

Posts 7665
Twilight Zone

6 posted 2001-01-23 05:09 PM

I hate following Carly's replies cause she always seems to find the right words to describe the poem best.
For this, I'll just have to keep my mouth closed
Let me say though that you are very talented JD
keep sharing

I see no changes, wake up in the morning I ask myself, "Is life worth living or should I blast myself" TUPAC SHAKUR

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