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knightlyshadows
Senior Member

since 2001-04-14

Posts 791
obscured vision

0 posted 2001-05-01 01:05 PM

i hold my heart within a gate
its locked away safe from suffering and pain
the person who holds the key i shall await
for my heart i know they will obtain

ive read the stars showing my fate
and i know that my love has already shown
i found him here and hes more then i dreamed of
and of my heart he will sit at the throne
for he is my one and only true love

“A single choice can build destinies,or destroy them.”

"at the touch of love anyone becomes a poet"

banburycross
Senior Member

since 2001-03-27

Posts 946
viginia

1 posted 2001-05-01 01:20 PM

I think that the flow and could use a little work in this one, some of the lines hurt the rhythm a bit. other than that i thought it was really nice work, so i definetely think that it's worth a revision. keep posting all your work.

Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing.

Linc

Senior Member

since 2001-03-07

Posts 552
The Backstreet Boy

2 posted 2001-05-01 01:22 PM

Hey,

This is a great piece I its so sweet keep them coming. Until your next poem

-- Linc

"Once you reach your original goal it seems that the journey was your real accomplishment."

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

3 posted 2001-05-01 09:58 PM

Not your best but it was a happy one. I did enjoy the poem.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

Marshalzu

Member Elite

since 2001-02-15

Posts 2681
Lurking

4 posted 2001-05-02 03:03 PM

I thought this was good although the flow needs tending to a little it was a good piece and the imagery is excellent.

Zu

" The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots" -Thomas jefferson

E-mail/Msn: [email protected]

Acies

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-07

Posts 7665
Twilight Zone

5 posted 2001-06-05 07:05 PM

Ouch, such endearing words.
Beautifully said Tiff.
Looking forward to reading more of your work

keep it up

hi Sweets, Lizzy, Ina, Erin, Erica, Minna, Kit, Kamie, Javi, Jenn, Sharon, Nan, Cawlee, Allan, Val, Sara, Justine, Leah, Jess, Kimmie, Maree, Michele,

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