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Teen Poetry #4
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Dreaming
| Teen Poetry #4 |
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Dreaming |
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LoneWolf Member
since 2001-03-10
Posts 384IL 
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“Dreaming” Starlit skies give way To places where my once dead soul did lay For that moment not a thing I would trade For then my soul was completely made Once was all it took A look at your smiling face and my world you shook Decision made, hearts unfold Leaving precious stories that the young are told Moments forever gone Theses are known to none save my screaming heart As my world was torn a part Nothing known Only dreaming of the light that once shown Emptiness rages throughout my soul Waking to find That I can only dream of ever becoming whole It's too bad I'm not as wonderful a person as people say I am, because the world could use a few people like that. I've learned that even when you [This message has been edited by LoneWolf (edited 05-01-2001).] |
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| © Copyright 2001 Colin Heffernan - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Ina Senior Member
since 2000-10-09
Posts 1236Quebec, Canada |
Your work is amazing. i hope you are proud of it. Regina "Take a look at my face, there's no price I won't pay |
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Heavens Tears
since 2001-03-15
Posts 677 |
This poem was great! I liked your rhythm and everything. It was different, and the pattern wasnt boring like some rhyming poems. NOBODY TAKE OFFENCE TO THAT! Anyways, great poem! *~*Amanda*~* |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
This is a poem you really should be proud of! It's written beautifully.. nice work! I enjoyed this. --Marie subconsciously, i think i can eat so much to make my stomach hurt, instead of my heart. |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
I enjoyed the poem. I think there's a spelling error in the first verse or around there. Anyhow, nicely done.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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Low Man's Lyric Member
since 2001-04-03
Posts 236In a dream |
Nice poem here LoneWolf, but there are a few spelling errors, like; the first stanza third line you spelled soul with a d at the end, second stanza second line you have "A look a at..." I think you should delete the "a", and last stanza third line you mispelled through out. Sorry to say that but I think your poem will be perfect after some modifications. And sorry to Allan that I am taking his role on giving out his tips or comments, sorry Allan.  Give her two red roses, each with a note. The first note says "For the woman I love" and the second, "For my best friend." ~Anonymous [This message has been edited by Low Man's Lyric (edited 05-01-2001).] |
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chas Member
since 2001-04-08
Posts 101Lynn, ma |
Humm……..chocolate |
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LoneWolf Member
since 2001-03-10
Posts 384IL |
Thank you all for replying. Oh and thanks for telling me about those spelling errors. i went back and fixed those. thanks again for replying all of you. It's too bad I'm not as wonderful a person as people say I am, because the world could use a few people like that. |
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anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
i enjoyed this poem greatly...such beauitiful words put together...graet job and keep writing...  ...?if i die before i wake , i pray the lord my soul will take-"when thugs cry" |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
Wonderful choice of words. This piece is simply amazing. keep it up I'm so sorry for doubting you Kit ... please forgive me!!!! |
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