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Teen Poetry #4
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Immortality
| Teen Poetry #4 |
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Immortality |
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IsGona Senior Member
since 2000-07-14
Posts 723
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*not happy with this one, but at least I'm writting again* ~Immortality ~ Full of ideas I've never shared Ideas through time are forgotten Through time I continue to die My ideas are all that can survive Like a lonely tree that falls in the woods If no one hears my thoughts do they really exist But once they exist they may never die My mind My ideas My influences Must live Must persist To live forever is only a dream Because reality has other plans But my influences shall forever live I shall survive In the Children’s minds |
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| © Copyright 2001 IsGona - All Rights Reserved | |||
Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
Sweet! I don't see why you didn't like this one, maybe I'm full of too many carbohydrates at the moment but I honestly did like this one more than many things I have read of yours. The formatting was neatly done, spacing in of words made the flow somewhat unusual. "I shall survive in the children's minds" was just... wow. Just amazing. ~Allan Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life. |
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branden726
since 2000-09-25
Posts 607Bay City, MI |
Sweet! just like al said i love it i dont see why you dont and i must have took some time....well this was good i enjoyed it. *Tears of love* |
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Jenn Cirrincione
since 2000-07-02
Posts 2107Fl |
Jay- Babe, I liked this! I'm glad you're writing too. Do it more!! This was great, I loved the style. And it made me think. Very cool. Jenn "I've come too close to happiness, to have it swept away,don't think I can take the pain, never fall again..." Janet |
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banburycross Senior Member
since 2001-03-27
Posts 946viginia |
i have no idea why you don't like this, i thought it was incredibly well written. some of the phrases were very thought provoking and i liked the way you ended it. great job on this and i hope you keep writing. Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing. |
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Low Man's Lyric Member
since 2001-04-03
Posts 236In a dream |
Hey this was awesome, im not sure why you don't like it but I do, so keep on writing man. Give her two red roses, each with a note. The first note says "For the woman I love" and the second, "For my best friend." |
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IsGona Senior Member
since 2000-07-14
Posts 723 |
Allan thank you sir... I appreciate it Branden, surprisingly I wrote this one fairly quickly. I think my creative energy is crawling back. Thanks buddy. Jenn, hun, thank you very much. I'm glad you liked it. And it FEELS good to be writing again.  Banburycross, thank ya for reading my poem and your gracious comments. They are appreciated. And now a confession  I fibbed... I do like this poem. But I figured by saying I don't it would be easier for people to give honest opinion of it. Plus I hate liking my own poems, let alone SAYING I like my own poems.... just a complex of mine hehe  Thanks again Jason ~Jason |
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IsGona Senior Member
since 2000-07-14
Posts 723 |
Oops, low man you slipped in there. Thanks for reading and replying. I am so very pleased that you liked it. Jason |
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Child of the Stars
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658Ann Arbor, MI |
Bubba, Bubba, Bubba....sheesh you're cool. Keep those thoughts rollin'; they produce some really great stuff. Ciao! ~Martha "Your joy is your sorrow unmasked. And the self-same well from which your laughter rises was often-times filled with your tears." ~Kahil Gibran [This message has been edited by Child of the Stars (edited 04-30-2001).] |
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anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
i liked the discriptions in this poem.. i really enjoyed the read.... and great to hear that you are starting to write poetry again.. and keep them comin..   ...?if i die before i wake , i pray the lord my soul will take-"when thugs cry" |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
I really enjoyed this poem. Especially the ending of it. Well done Jason....you know you write well, so don't huff and puff about how you don't! Very good poem!  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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kaile
since 2000-02-06
Posts 5146singapore |
i liked the sentiments here...we all want to know that we don't live in vain, that our existence has some meaning, some significance... i liked the analogy of the fallen tree and personally, i feel if you include more such images, this poem will be even better nonetheless, this one is going into my library |
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Linc
since 2001-03-07
Posts 552The Backstreet Boy |
Hey, I don’t know what you were thinking when you said “not happy with this one…” I though it was absolutely superb I loved reading it and a matter of fact its going into my library. I am going to be looking forward for your new works so don’t take so long to write again Until your next masterpiece -- Linc "Once you reach your original goal it seems that the journey was your real accomplishment." |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
I think this is one of your best, Jason. The style is genius, and the flow is perfect. VERY nicely done. I wouldn't change a thing about it. I enjoyed this! --Marie subconsciously, i think i can eat so much to make my stomach hurt, instead of my heart. |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
Such an enjoyable read. You did well my friend I didn't know you had it in you keep it up and keep sharing thnaks for the wonderful read "So long as men can breathe or eyes can see, |
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