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Teen Poetry #4
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illusions
| Teen Poetry #4 |
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illusions |
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broken wing Junior Member
since 2001-04-30
Posts 37 |
that touch on your shoulder.... the brushing away of your hair.... the whisper in your ear.... the soothing of your brow.... the kiss on your lips.... the stroke of my hand.... did i really love you? was i really there? was i just an illusion? or was i a figment of your imagination? |
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| © Copyright 2001 broken wing - All Rights Reserved | |||
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anonymousfemale Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797Limbo |
Welcome to PIP Broken Wing. Enjoy your time here.  The way the first stanza was written really paved an excellent road for the final. Well done on a great first post. I hope to see more. ~AF~ " Your mother's in here with us Karras. Would you like to leave a message? I'll see that she gets it." |
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anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
great first post... i liked it.... and welCOME TO PASSions!!! hope you like it here.. and keep writing,posting and replying.. byeeeeeeeeeee..  ...?if i die before i wake , i pray the lord my soul will take-"when thugs cry" |
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knightlyshadows Senior Member
since 2001-04-14
Posts 791obscured vision |
welcome to passions! great first post  cant wait to c more from you.tiff  “A single choice can build destinies,or destroy them.” |
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Child of the Stars
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658Ann Arbor, MI |
 Welcome to Passions! This was a good first post, you portrayed the situation well...I look forward to reading more of what you've got to express! ~Carly "Your joy is your sorrow unmasked. And the self-same well from which your laughter rises was often-times filled with your tears." ~Kahil Gibran |
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SEA 
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
Welcome!! A fantastic first post! Please check your email for a special greeting! SEA |
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MoeRocko Member
since 2001-04-25
Posts 166West Virginia |
WOW This one is Great Welcome |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
I love the similarities in the sentence structure to each stanza, I think this was organized very well. I wouldn't change a thing about it. Welcome to Passions in Poetry. ~Allan Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life. |
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luckyducky_505 Member
since 2001-04-29
Posts 53Kentucky, USA |
that was really good~~~~ i can really relate to it. Please post a response to my newest (2nd post) it's called Can I Love My Best Friend? keep it up!!! |
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banburycross Senior Member
since 2001-03-27
Posts 946viginia |
Welcome to passions!! great job on this, i really liked the images in the first stanza especially. i look forward to reading lots more of your writing. Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing. |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Welcome to Passions! I enjoyed your first post. You seem to write in a style that's out there. Not cryptic in any sense and that's great. You express your thoughts well and I hope to see much more.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
Welcome to Passions! This is a nice first post. I like the way you used the questions. However, this poem doesn't seem like it's finished. It seems like it just stops. I think you could take this and expand on it a little more. Since you have a critique flag up, expect people to critique your poetry  Nice work, though. I did enjoy the read, and I look forward to reading more. --Marie |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
WELCOME TO PASSIONS!!! nice to see you have joined us here in PIP. happy reading and sharing as well. your first post has impressed me a lot already. You are definitely gonna fit in. Hope to see more of your work soon. "So long as men can breathe or eyes can see, |
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Poet on Acid Member
since 2001-01-07
Posts 325Florida, USA |
wow, that was great. I have a tendancy to like anything that questions reality but even without that aspect of it the poem would still be great. I hope to see more as your raw talent matures. "It's too cold in the world...too cold to be alone..." - >¶Øʆ< |
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vixengrl04 Member
since 2001-04-26
Posts 495East Haddam, CT |
WELCOME TO PASSIONS!!!! This was an awesome first post, I really enjoyed it alot!! Great imagery and its really a very sweet and touching poem. I like it alot. Hope 2 more.~*Nikki*~ ~*Of all the millions of people in the world, I'm just me.*~ |
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xShUgArHiGhx
since 2000-09-26
Posts 3150tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs |
Welcome!!! WELCOME!!!! wElcOmE!!!!! Very expressive first post!!! A lot of talent shines through here..cant wait to see what else you bring to us!! |
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