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princess^sarah
Member

since 2001-01-12

Posts 131
melbourne

0 posted 2001-04-30 04:12 AM

Shimmering light as a sparkling star lays
Clean cotton feeling from Heaven each day
Sensitive emotions watching a child pray
Soft creamy fragrant breezing by from far and away
And a silk caring heart filled with love everyday

VERY SHORT!!!!!

Allan Riverwood

Member Elite

since 2001-01-04

Posts 3502
Winnipeg

1 posted 2001-04-30 09:53 AM

I really like the feelings I got from this poem, using texture as a form of imagery... very very nice and creative! I'm impressed, but it's an example of how far along you've come.

~Allan

Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
~Unknown

SEA

Moderator

Member Seraphic

since 2000-01-18

Posts 22676
with you

2 posted 2001-04-30 11:51 AM

Sarah, this is wonderful....and short isn't a bad thing

SEA

anonymous albert ?

Member Elite

since 2001-03-23

Posts 2979

3 posted 2001-04-30 12:35 PM

wonderful poem...
i really enjoyed and liked the way you put your emotions with imagery...
great job!!
and keep writing

...?

if i die before i wake , i pray the lord my soul will take-"when thugs cry"

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

4 posted 2001-04-30 10:10 PM

This was so beautiful!
Great poem!

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

xShUgArHiGhx

Member Elite

since 2000-09-26

Posts 3150
tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs

5 posted 2001-05-03 06:14 PM

Short, yes. but very beauitfully worded...

banburycross
Senior Member

since 2001-03-27

Posts 946
viginia

6 posted 2001-05-03 06:28 PM

short poetry isn't a bad thing at all, it's just that packing as much into a short poem as possible can be a very difficult thing to do. you did a really excellent job on this though and created a lot of incredible images with a very few words. wonderful job on this.

Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing.

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