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Teen Poetry #4
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Allysa
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In an upside-down garden

0 posted 2001-04-23 08:33 AM


I just have to tell you one thing,
you confuse me.
I want to love you,
and hold you,
and kiss you,
but yet I want to duck tape you,
to the ground,
wait til you fall asleep,
and tell you the house is on fire.

I just have to say one thing,
while you confuse me,
you make it impossible,
for me to not love you.
There's just something,
about the way you are,
when you're around me,
that makes me just
want to love you forever.

And yet,
while I want to hug you forever,
and kiss you forever,
and love you forever,
there's still a part of me now,
holding a roll of
thick silver duck tape,
chasing after you,
and screaming the house is on fire.

I alread know this isn't great, so just tell me what you think.

I wish people would stop telling me that I can do anything I want to.  I never thought that I couldn't.
Life's tough, get a helmet.

© Copyright 2001 Allysa - All Rights Reserved
Heavens Tears
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Posts 677

1 posted 2001-04-23 09:00 AM


It was good.  It was kinda funny, the whole duct tape thing.  But it was a great poem.  

*If the only place I can live my dreams is in my sleep, then I'll sleep forever!*

silvrduck
Member
since 2000-11-05
Posts 146

2 posted 2001-04-23 09:07 AM


"holding a roll of
thick silver duck tape,"
    Yay! See that?! lol
   (it's early...*ahem*)

Anyways, I this is GREAT Allysa. Besides it being funny (can ya'll see someone doing that? hehe..   ), the message is nice and clear. Great job, keep 'em coming!


*The hardest thing to do is watch the one you love, love somebody else.*

[This message has been edited by silvrduck (edited 04-23-2001).]

Godsend_1
Member
since 2001-04-19
Posts 247
great state of illinois
3 posted 2001-04-23 10:18 AM


this was really good you got off a great message and kept it kinda funny either way it was a great poem and i cant wait to read more of your stuff hun *hugs* bye bye

ben

i am what i am and that is all that i am and all that i shall ever be......so deal with it

Allan Riverwood
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Winnipeg
4 posted 2001-04-23 10:24 AM


I did like the tone.  I also like the clever duct tape plan.     Man that would be awesome.  
Nice job, Allysa.
~Allan

Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day.  Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.  
~Unknown

Fading Away
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Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia
5 posted 2001-04-23 11:15 AM


This is a good poem.  Very well written.
Nice job.

--Marie

subconsciously, i think i can eat so much to make my stomach hurt, instead of my heart.

knightlyshadows
Senior Member
since 2001-04-14
Posts 791
obscured vision
6 posted 2001-04-23 06:21 PM


lmao omg u just reminded me bout a lil umm thing that some friends and i did...duct tapin somebody! lol was great newayz lol i like ur poem very nice lol uve made my day with this lol
tiff

“A single choice can build destinies,or destroy them.”

"at the touch of love anyone becomes a poet"

MindlessPoet
Member
since 2001-04-20
Posts 106
Texas
7 posted 2001-04-23 06:49 PM


I liked this one, it got the message through and had a comical tone.  Keep 'em comin!

*TiMMYBoY*
Yeah, that's me.  The Weird One.

Spine Grinder
Senior Member
since 2000-10-28
Posts 1127
Standing In Silence...
8 posted 2001-04-23 07:13 PM


Very...ah...amusing. no really, it was a cool poem. I liked it. keep posting.
Allysa
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In an upside-down garden
9 posted 2001-04-24 08:12 AM


See, now ya all get to see what me and my friends do at sleepovers.  Duck tape, putting toothpaste and silly string all over people, freezing other people's bras, it's a lot of fun.  My bud Bridget was responsible for the Duck Tape idea.  We were actually gonna do that to Justin too, but oh well.
Dopey Dope
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since 2000-08-30
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San Juan, Puerto Rico
10 posted 2001-04-24 09:40 PM


Great job here.....i really liked this poem. Quite different,but good.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

IsGona
Senior Member
since 2000-07-14
Posts 723

11 posted 2001-04-26 12:25 PM


Well, I'm late as ussual but the tittle grabbed my attention.  This was very creative... a little to creative... makes me wonder how long you've had this idea... hehe
I thought the poem was pretty good in the sencse that you stayed right on track for what you wanted to say.  Like allan mentioned there was a certain tone that you mantained well in this one, so I think it's better than you think it is.

~Jason

Allysa
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In an upside-down garden
12 posted 2001-04-26 08:06 AM


thanks ya all.  I didn't think this was very good, actually, just the opposite.  Anyways, thanks again! BYESSSSSS!!!!!!

I wish people would stop telling me that I can do anything I want to.  I never thought that I couldn't.
Life's tough, get a helmet.

Marshalzu
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Lurking
13 posted 2001-04-26 11:00 AM


Great poem, I thought that it was very well written... i just love the duct tape  
Zu

" The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots" -Thomas jefferson

E-mail/Msn: Targetmrzu@hotmail.com

Linc
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The Backstreet Boy
14 posted 2001-04-26 01:20 PM


Hey,

    Whoa nice job!!! Until your next poem

     -- Linc

"Once you reach your original goal it seems that the journey was your real accomplishment."

Lakewalker
Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289
On the streets w/ people
15 posted 2001-04-26 06:48 PM


Good job on this poem!

"Be kind for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle" Plato.

Acies
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Twilight Zone
16 posted 2001-04-27 09:49 AM


I like it a lot Allysa.  A little comedic, but a really awesome read.  If that's exactly how you feel, then thats exactly how you should write it down.  ha ha lol    You just gave me my first smile and laugh of the day.  Thank you

"So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this give life to thee."  W.S.

anonymous albert ?
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17 posted 2001-04-27 12:57 PM


i liked it...
great job on this...
keep writing

...?

death is not the greatest loss in life. the greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live. -norman cousins

Allysa
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In an upside-down garden
18 posted 2001-04-30 08:18 AM


thanks ya all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ya all cheer me up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ANyways, tomorrow's my birthday!!!!!

I wish people would stop telling me that I can do anything I want to.  I never thought that I couldn't.
Life's tough, get a helmet.

Acies
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Twilight Zone
19 posted 2001-05-01 04:43 PM


Happy Birthday  

"So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this give life to thee."  W.S.

anonymous albert ?
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20 posted 2001-05-01 04:47 PM


*walks in carrying a humongous cake*

Happy birthday!!!!!!!!!!
wishin' you the best this today....
?Happy birthday!!!!!!!!!

byeeee..

...?

if i die before i wake , i pray the lord my soul will take-"when thugs cry"


[This message has been edited by anonymous albert ? (edited 05-01-2001).]

Allysa
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In an upside-down garden
21 posted 2001-05-03 08:32 AM


Thanks ya all!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You two make me soooooooooooooo happy!!!!!!!!!!  

I wish people would stop telling me that I can do anything I want to.  I never thought that I couldn't.
Life's tough, get a helmet.

Acies
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Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
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Twilight Zone
22 posted 2001-05-03 04:38 PM


Glad to hear that  

"So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this give life to thee."  W.S.

banburycross
Senior Member
since 2001-03-27
Posts 946
viginia
23 posted 2001-05-03 06:22 PM


This is different and unique and creative, which is why i really like this piece.  i thought you did a great job, and thanks for the entertaining read  

Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing.

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