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| Teen Poetry #4 |
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knightlyshadows Senior Member
since 2001-04-14
Posts 791obscured vision |
shes searching for the opening that will lead her to escape she passes by it daily not knowing where its hid she stumbles in the darkness but doesnt let herself fall she continues on this journey of searching for her escape she knows that once she has fallen she wont be able to get back up the darkness will sweep over her as it washes completely away... her soul “A single choice can build destinies,or destroy them.” |
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| © Copyright 2001 Tiffany Durham - All Rights Reserved | |||
Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
I'm going to be completely honest and say that this didn't really do much for me... the story was told rather blandly when compared with some of what you have written in the past. I personally don't think this is the best that you have done at all. Don't be discouraged, just a personal opinion.  Maybe a hint of rhyme would help, or if you were to go back and reword using poetic techniques like similie and metaphor, or improve your imagery a bit. If you wish to work on this, improve the quality of each line. Take more time to polish this up. ~Allan Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life. |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
Oh and I like the last thought, keep that. |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
I enjoyed it. Quite to the point, but enjoyable.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
Tiff -- you should always get up Never give up on anything Thanks for the beautiful read "So long as men can breathe or eyes can see, |
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