the confusion - pipTalk Forums

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

katherine
Member

since 2000-06-10

Posts 365
Canberra Australia

0 posted 2001-04-28 11:12 PM

I'm not really sure what's real anymore. I'm becoming to confused. Somethings are becoming clear while others, are just fadding from this world into the world of the never never.

I've always felt I needed to be strong. I can't always be strong. I need your help to prop me up.

Some say I'm becoming a puddle. While others are saying my hardness is melting.
But really I've just taken my defences down.

if you don't let them in they can't see the real you

[This message has been edited by katherine (edited 04-29-2001).]

Allan Riverwood

Member Elite

since 2001-01-04

Posts 3502
Winnipeg

1 posted 2001-04-28 11:28 PM

Interesting ending. I must say I love the title as well... instead of just "confusion," "the confusion." Well done.

~Allan

Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
~Unknown

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

2 posted 2001-04-29 07:42 PM

I liked this. Very well done. The ending is superb!

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

Acies

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-07

Posts 7665
Twilight Zone

3 posted 2001-05-09 10:35 AM

well done, but I'd rearrange it a bit to this:

"I'm not really sure what's real anymore. I'm becoming to confused.
Somethings are becoming clear...
while others are just fadding from this world
Into the world of the never never.
I've always felt I needed to be strong.
I can't always be strong.
I need your help to prop me up.
Some say I'm becoming a puddle.
While others are saying my hardness is melting.
But really...
I've just taken my defences down."

"So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this give life to thee." W.S.

[This message has been edited by acire (edited 05-09-2001).]

ScarletPoetess
Junior Member

since 2001-05-09

Posts 18

4 posted 2001-05-09 10:42 AM

"Some say I'm becoming a puddle. While others are saying my hardness is melting."
That was my fav line. I can relate to it a lot. I enjoyed this post. I'd go with acire's advice too. It would make the poem more powerful. I hope to read more soon.

Scarlet

I hurt myself today, to see if I still feel. I focus on the pain, the only thing that's real.

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.