Teen Poetry #4 |
my heart |
knightlyshadows Senior Member
since 2001-04-14
Posts 791obscured vision |
you trod on my heart you crushed it down but whats sad is you didnt even realize that I hide my feelings so Close, so Tight My life is a facade that im beginning to believe you broke my heart you tore it into but whats sad is you didnt even realize that I hide my pain so Close, so Tight My life is a facade that im beginning to believe you ripped out my heart you sprung it free but whats sad is you didnt even realize that I hid my heart so Close, so Tight My life was a facade that i was beginning to believe but you set me free from my facade a facade that i was beginning to believe now my heart sees what its really like and not this facade that i was beginning to believe “A single choice can build destinies,or destroy them.” |
||
© Copyright 2001 Tiffany Durham - All Rights Reserved | |||
Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
I liked this a lot. Very well done. I liked the overall flow to it and the theme was geat. Good! I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
||
Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
I liked it a lot, yes. But I felt it was missing something, I feel like this could be a song but the parts that are in this poem would only be like a chorus? I think if you wrote a few different verses to contrast to this it would create an outstanding effect. JMHO ~Allan Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life. |
||
Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
Well done though I would refrain from mentioning the same word over and over. In this case, it was "facade". But all in all, I'm impressed. keep sharing "So long as men can breathe or eyes can see, |
||
lonely*soul Member
since 2001-04-05
Posts 396east haddam (moodus) ct :) |
i liked this...and i seriously think this could be a good song, if ya added a few more stanzas..good job tiff!!! *KiM* "i once asked my daddy, daddy, are we going to the moon, and he said, we cant get to the moon from where we are" ~ME (hehe this actully happened to me |
||
⇧ top of page ⇧ | ||
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. |