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Teen Poetry #4
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Still
| Teen Poetry #4 |
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Still |
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AngelPoet87 Member
since 2001-04-21
Posts 280Indy |
Hey all, this was just a quick spur-of-the-moment type thing so I'm already aware its kinda bad. He never held me like he now holds her and yet he told me that he loved me. He never kissed me like he kisses her and yet he told me that he loved me. He never took my hand the way he takes hers and yet he told me that he loved me. He never looked at me the way he looks at her and yet he told me that he loved me. He'll never let me in his heart again but yet he claims he still loves me. ~ali |
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| © Copyright 2001 Alicia Morris - All Rights Reserved | |||
SEA 
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
this just breaks my heart..... |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
The reiteration at the end of each stanza was made more appropriate by the last two lines of the final stanza, how they were slightly different. I was prepared to mention that the reiteration wasn't a good thing but now that I read it all at once, it just so happens that you pulled it off well by rephrasing it once. That added a lot of power to the whole poem... well done.  Still not your best of course, this is impulse poetry. But for impulse poetry, a nice job. ~Allan Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life. |
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anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
this poem in some sense is true very hearkbreakin..hope this isn't ur sitation or if it is hope things turn out the best 4 u.. keep writing   ...?death is not the greatest loss in life. the greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live. -norman cousins |
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katherine Member
since 2000-06-10
Posts 365Canberra Australia |
i liked it. if this is happening to you, forget him it's not worth tourchering yourself over. ~kate Life will always go on just remember to stay focused and positive. |
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vixengrl04 Member
since 2001-04-26
Posts 495East Haddam, CT |
Most of the poems I write are real quckies, and this one was a good "quickie". It's sad though. Don't torture yourself over the situation because its obvious that he doesn't deserve you...Good luck. ~*Nikki*~ ~*Of all the millions of people in the world, I'm just me.*~ |
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Heavens Tears
since 2001-03-15
Posts 677 |
Aw. This is so sad. That is a really heartbreaking situation that everyone has probably been through. Just remember, he doesnt deserve you!!!!! *~*Amanda*~* |
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Suga_Baby Member
since 2000-08-06
Posts 380Maine, USA |
Aww, you poor girl... what a jerk he is! To heck with him, ya hear?! *LOL* Very well done "A dream is a wish your heart makes while you are fast asleep." |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
This was so sad. It's a bad situation and i hope you're ok. Well, I know you're not....but things will get better. *hugs*  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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knightlyshadows Senior Member
since 2001-04-14
Posts 791obscured vision |
awww *hugs* that was sadish but great job! pm me sometime hun cuz i lost ur sn for yim:P love ya muchs tiff  “A single choice can build destinies,or destroy them.” |
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Elvenblood Member
since 2001-02-17
Posts 409Maine, USA |
Aww, that is sweet. I like it much, it's a good easy read! |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
I think I'm gonna go to a corner now and cry  keep you head up and never give up. thanks for sharing"So long as men can breathe or eyes can see, |
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banburycross Senior Member
since 2001-03-27
Posts 946viginia |
this made me so sad, you expressed yourself so well in this. i thought that the repitition in each stanza really added to the feeling of this piece and really worked well the way you used it. great job on this, keep posting all your work. Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing. |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
Awww.. very sad  Heh. Nice work, the repitition added power to each stanza. Very nicely done. --Marie subconsciously, i think i can eat so much to make my stomach hurt, instead of my heart. |
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