Teen Poetry #4 |
true misery lies in luv |
anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
fear not what you see but fear the ones you believe for they the one that can destroy you entirely with any significance and beliefs that lies in your heart fear the hearts that you love and rely on because their hearts may lie,may decieve and fail to understand your needs when that happens your heart will not be able to withstand the heart you'll witness then will the true misery lie ur critiques & thoughts r welcomed i changed it 4 ya'll hehe [This message has been edited by anonymous albert ? (edited 03-27-2001).] |
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© Copyright 2001 ALBY - All Rights Reserved | |||
Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Nicely done......however i think you should take the time to actually write the world rather than abbreviate them. ANyhow I think this had some good thoughts. I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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Child of the Stars
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658Ann Arbor, MI |
Yes! Write the world! Haha, yeah. He's right. The whole quality would be kicked up a notch. Good stuff. ~Carly "The eye sees a thing more clearly in dreams than the imagination awake." |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
Naw, I have to disagree. I think it set the tone for the poem... although the tone seemed in appropriate. Maybe it's just his style? We are all entitled to a syntax style... Just make sure that the tone is what you want for your poem. In more serious pieces, bother to write the whole word out. It did distract the message a bit. ~Allan If I had your eyes, I'd be blind. For I can only see out of my own. ~~Carly Van Dort |
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UnPumpkin Junior Member
since 2001-03-25
Posts 18 |
The writing was lovely, but the abbreviations do take away from the message. |
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anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
sorry if u guys had a hard time i jus like writin in this sytle though i'll write it normal when i post it 4 ya'll thanks once again 4 the replys |
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Lakewalker Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289On the streets w/ people |
Certainly don't stop writing it the other way if that's how you want it Nice job on this one, I didn't see it the original way but this way's good "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle" |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
Great job on this. Thanks for sharing. Don't stop posting... --Marie I never thought that you would ever be the one to let me down. I guess that just goes to show how wrong I always am. |
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xShUgArHiGhx
since 2000-09-26
Posts 3150tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs |
Amazing poem.....Its so very true in my opinion...excellent job |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
I could see you're very talented. I love this piece. Keep writing "So long as men can breathe or eyes can see, |
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Jenn Cirrincione
since 2000-07-02
Posts 2107Fl |
Very good Alberta, lol j/k Great job, great message here. "I've come too close to happiness, to have it swept away,don't think I can take the pain, never fall again..." Janet |
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anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
thanks jen... and me albert! would like to thanks you for *bumpin'*this..hehe...and that poem got a little messed up the last lines suppose to be in there its.. "when two different opinion of hearts collide"<~~~~~~~yep thats the last line cya... ...? if i die before i wake , i pray the lord my soul will take-"when thugs cry" |
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banburycross Senior Member
since 2001-03-27
Posts 946viginia |
ok, i'm bothered now. somehow one of your pieces managed to slip through without one of my reples on it well, i'm glad jenn bumped this up, because i like this piece a lot. i really liked the theme and the thoughts are really great throughout. keep posting all your work. Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing. |
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Ina Senior Member
since 2000-10-09
Posts 1236Quebec, Canada |
This was really good. liked it beaucoup. Regina "Take a look at my face, there's no price I won't pay |
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