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anonymous albert ?

Member Elite

since 2001-03-23

Posts 2979

0 posted 2001-03-25 01:28 PM

fear not what you see but fear the ones you believe
for they the one that can destroy you entirely
with any significance and beliefs that lies in your heart
fear the hearts that you love and rely on
because their hearts may lie,may decieve and fail to understand your needs
when that happens your heart will not be able to withstand the heart you'll witness
then will the true misery lie
ur critiques & thoughts r welcomed
i changed it 4 ya'll hehe

[This message has been edited by anonymous albert ? (edited 03-27-2001).]

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

1 posted 2001-03-25 06:09 PM

Nicely done......however i think you should take the time to actually write the world rather than abbreviate them.
ANyhow I think this had some good thoughts.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

Child of the Stars

Senior Member

since 2000-09-07

Posts 1658
Ann Arbor, MI

2 posted 2001-03-25 07:00 PM

Yes! Write the world!

Haha, yeah. He's right. The whole quality would be kicked up a notch. Good stuff.
~Carly

"The eye sees a thing more clearly in dreams than the imagination awake."
- Leonardo da Vinci

Allan Riverwood

Member Elite

since 2001-01-04

Posts 3502
Winnipeg

3 posted 2001-03-25 11:46 PM

Naw, I have to disagree. I think it set the tone for the poem... although the tone seemed in appropriate. Maybe it's just his style? We are all entitled to a syntax style...
Just make sure that the tone is what you want for your poem. In more serious pieces, bother to write the whole word out.
It did distract the message a bit.
~Allan

If I had your eyes, I'd be blind. For I can only see out of my own. ~~Carly Van Dort

UnPumpkin
Junior Member

since 2001-03-25

Posts 18

4 posted 2001-03-25 11:50 PM

The writing was lovely, but the abbreviations do take away from the message.

anonymous albert ?

Member Elite

since 2001-03-23

Posts 2979

5 posted 2001-03-26 02:17 AM

sorry if u guys had a hard time i jus like writin in this sytle though i'll write it normal when i post it 4 ya'll
thanks once again 4 the replys

Lakewalker
Member Elite

since 2000-08-05

Posts 3289
On the streets w/ people

6 posted 2001-03-26 05:44 PM

Certainly don't stop writing it the other way if that's how you want it

Nice job on this one, I didn't see it the original way but this way's good

"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle"
"Life's short. If you don't look around once in a while you might miss it."
BothUnknown

Fading Away

Member Elite

since 2001-03-14

Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia

7 posted 2001-03-26 07:24 PM

Great job on this. Thanks for sharing. Don't stop posting...

--Marie

I never thought that you would ever be the one to let me down. I guess that just goes to show how wrong I always am.

xShUgArHiGhx

Member Elite

since 2000-09-26

Posts 3150
tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs

8 posted 2001-03-28 08:32 PM

Amazing poem.....Its so very true in my opinion...excellent job

Acies

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-07

Posts 7665
Twilight Zone

9 posted 2001-04-03 05:33 PM

I could see you're very talented. I love this piece. Keep writing

"So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this give life to thee." W.S.

Jenn Cirrincione

Member Elite

since 2000-07-02

Posts 2107
Fl

10 posted 2001-05-02 03:20 PM

Very good Alberta, lol j/k
Great job, great message here.

"I've come too close to happiness, to have it swept away,don't think I can take the pain, never fall again..." Janet

anonymous albert ?

Member Elite

since 2001-03-23

Posts 2979

11 posted 2001-05-02 04:12 PM

thanks jen...
and me albert!
would like to thanks you for *bumpin'*this..hehe...and that poem got a little messed up
the last lines suppose to be in there its..
"when two different opinion of hearts collide"<~~~~~~~yep thats the last line
cya...

...?

if i die before i wake , i pray the lord my soul will take-"when thugs cry"

banburycross
Senior Member

since 2001-03-27

Posts 946
viginia

12 posted 2001-05-03 09:19 AM

ok, i'm bothered now. somehow one of your pieces managed to slip through without one of my reples on it

well, i'm glad jenn bumped this up, because i like this piece a lot. i really liked the theme and the thoughts are really great throughout. keep posting all your work.

Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing.

Ina
Senior Member

since 2000-10-09

Posts 1236
Quebec, Canada

13 posted 2001-05-03 01:36 PM

This was really good. liked it beaucoup.

Regina

"Take a look at my face, there's no price I won't pay
To say these words to you"bon jovi

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