Untitled - pipTalk Forums

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

Fading Away

Member Elite

since 2001-03-14

Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia

0 posted 2001-04-25 07:57 PM

If you have any suggestions for the title, let me know.. anything you can think of would be much appreciated

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Even my footsteps sounded lonely,
Thudding ungracefully on the cold tile,
Echoing into a percussive theme song
I wasn't supposed to hear.
I pressed my hands to the window,
Struggling for a look
Into the night,
But my "warmth" only fogged the glass
And I found myself,
Once again,
Behind a self-inflicted wall...
Hesitantly I carved "H E L P" into the steam-
Letters facing forward,
As the only people who could save me
Were already inside.
Either way,
No one came to my rescue.
And as the rain turned to wind,
I walked back into the darkness,
Terrified the weather would follow me.
And even my footsteps
Sounded lonely.

--Marie

subconsciously, i think i can eat so much to make my stomach hurt, instead of my heart.

[This message has been edited by Fading Away (edited 04-26-2001).]

anonymous albert ?

Member Elite

since 2001-03-23

Posts 2979

1 posted 2001-04-25 08:02 PM

title..ummmm "my souls lonely footsteps"?
jus a suggestion..hehe
but marie..i really enjoyed this one..
beautifully written and discription was wonderful also..
love ur work and keep writing

...?

death is not the greatest loss in life. the greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live. -norman cousins

Spine Grinder
Senior Member

since 2000-10-28

Posts 1127
Standing In Silence...

2 posted 2001-04-25 08:29 PM

I liked this poem. The title?......Well how bout HELP? Just a idea.ANYWAY I really liked this poem, nice job.

SEA

Moderator

Member Seraphic

since 2000-01-18

Posts 22676
with you

3 posted 2001-04-25 09:18 PM

I don't know about a title...I think those are personal....this is great

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

4 posted 2001-04-26 12:24 PM

This was great.....sounded lonely and sad....i hope all is well *hugs*

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

banburycross
Senior Member

since 2001-03-27

Posts 946
viginia

5 posted 2001-04-26 10:52 AM

This is a really wonderful piece, your words are so beautiful. you expressed the mood of this poem incredibly well and really conveyed the feeling of loneliness to the reader. i got a chance to get on a computer really quick here in Boston to look up your most recent work and you never cease to amaze me (oh yeah, and for those of you who wondered, i've been away for about a week now). anyway, i love you and i love your writing, keep posting your work.

Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing.

Marshalzu

Member Elite

since 2001-02-15

Posts 2681
Lurking

6 posted 2001-04-26 10:56 AM

Wow this is awesome... It's definitely going in my library.

Zu

" The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots" -Thomas jefferson

E-mail/Msn: [email protected]

Godsend_1
Member

since 2001-04-19

Posts 247
great state of illinois

7 posted 2001-04-26 10:56 AM

i really liked this poem hun you really know how to express yourself in a vivid way i loved ot keep it up and a title well hmmmm i think 'the footsteps of my soul' sounds cool but ya know its your choice babe *hugs* keep it up i love ya

ben redshaw the great and now and forever totally in love

i am what i am and that is all that i am and all that i shall ever be......so deal with it

Linc

Senior Member

since 2001-03-07

Posts 552
The Backstreet Boy

8 posted 2001-04-26 11:09 AM

Hey,

This is a excellent poem and I really enjoyed reading it. As for title suggestions I guess maybe “The words on the wall” or “Self-inflicted Wall” I don’t know. Yet another poem by you my favorite poet to go into my library. Thanks for taking the time to share. Until next time

-- Linc

"Once you reach your original goal it seems that the journey was your real accomplishment."

Allan Riverwood

Member Elite

since 2001-01-04

Posts 3502
Winnipeg

9 posted 2001-04-26 08:16 PM

I like "The words in the wall" but maybe "Carving the Steam?" This one is a toughie...

An excellent poem though! Another very fine example of your talent, there are a lot of truly awesome phrases in here. The last line hit hard... wonderful job! One of your best.
~Allan

Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
~Unknown

anonymousfemale
Member Elite

since 2000-02-02

Posts 2797
Limbo

10 posted 2001-12-11 11:21 AM

Man oh man...Marie, you are the Queen. *hands over a crown*
I have no idea for a title sorry but perhaps it is better left 'Untitled' for the simple fact of mystery in the piece.

I do love what you have written here. I can relate to it very well.

Thanks for sharing another awesome piece.

~AF~

"Always keep focus on your dreams because most often than not that's all you'll have." - Javier

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.