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A home without a wall, |
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| How to Join | Member's Area | Private Library | Search | Sanctuary | Login | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Main Forums | Discussion | Tech Talk | Mature Content | Archives |
A home without a wall, |
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| Teen Poetry #4 |
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Shallow Souls |
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fozzyozzy Member
since 2001-03-15
Posts 336Lessburg Virginia 
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Shallow Souls Unable to grasp What is through the next wall Trying to grasp Anything at all Shallow souls bring their tears in four saucers Not too deep Ready to drink Disgusting shallow souls We are shallow souls Tied beneath our shoes Not as the ocean but as the shore Not a painting, but a sketch nothing more You are shallow souls one, two, three, and four Crossed staves comprehend To save the shallow souls It will take more than sticks To rescue four shallow souls Not as the ocean but as the shore Not a painting, but a sketch nothing more You are shallow souls one, two, three, and four "It's a name we love Beauty with a label Understand we not History's greatest fable" Shallow souls maybe four Shallowed souls nothing more Their right to appease Exempt from miseries Not as the ocean but as the shore Not a painting, but a sketch nothing more You are shallow souls one, two, three, and four Expansion expansion expansion expansion Evil to grow You're safe In this saucer Never to know Never to know Shallow souls But deep hatred Hatred for what's wrong They know what's not right Take up their arms beside them For their lord they're ready to fight "Burn the enemy!" "Let their souls boil!" "Dip them in tar And scald them with oil!" "Crusade for the holy war We can't let them win We can't let them win! No we can't let them win Anymore!!" "BURN BURN BURN BURN! Heathens four!" Shallow souls shallow souls Empty souls empty souls Fade away away Dilute the souls shallow souls To mask them For another day "The heart can think of no devotion |
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| © Copyright 2001 Sean Michael DeFlora - All Rights Reserved | |||
Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
VERY long  *faints*Great job on it! |
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fozzyozzy Member
since 2001-03-15
Posts 336Lessburg Virginia |
Can't help it. Sorry for the length, but I wanted that epic feel sort of like "The Hollow Men" by T.S. Eliot I guess I failed.  But who cares  "The heart can think of no devotion |
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anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
loooooooong poem but a very interestin one great job on this  keep writing...  ...?death is not the greatest loss in life. the greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live. -norman cousins |
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Godsend_1 Member
since 2001-04-19
Posts 247great state of illinois |
ok wow idk i might be crazy but i really liked this poem it was super good i hope to read more fo your stuff now that i know you rock so keep posting *hugs* i love you ben redshaw the great i am what i am and that is all that i am and all that i shall ever be......so deal with it |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
Awesome, Ozz! Very awesome! I was very impressed with how you had such a diversity of stanza styles in here, it was all over the place. Very creative, and very well done!  ~Allan Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life. |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
I REALLY like the last stanza! WOWWW.. very powerful! I really enjoyed this.. VERY nice, fozzy.. very nice indeed! Beautiful work  And the epic-style poem was acheived. I enjoyed this quite a lot!--Marie subconsciously, i think i can eat so much to make my stomach hurt, instead of my heart. |
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vixengrl04 Member
since 2001-04-26
Posts 495East Haddam, CT |
This is really good. I like the message your trying to give and it flowed really well and had pretty good rythm. I especially liked the way you set up the last stanza, it was powerful. Good work. ~*Nikki*~ ~*Of all the millions of people in the world, I'm just me.*~ |
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banburycross Senior Member
since 2001-03-27
Posts 946viginia |
The last stanza was definetely my favorite part of this piece, but it was very well done throughout. great job on this, keep posting your work. Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing. |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
I NEVER said you failed....so blah to you on that. You did well!  |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
That ws a really long one, but still a delightful read. keep it up and keep sharing. Man, was that good "So long as men can breathe or eyes can see, |
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Elusive^ Junior Member
since 2001-05-13
Posts 18dancing fairy land |
love the imagery..and how you elaborated on the theme using the 'four saucers' thing.. well done..and keep posting ''I'll TAKE a QUIET life..a HANDSHAKE of CARBON monoxide with NO alarms AND no SURPRISES..'' |
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lonely*soul Member
since 2001-04-05
Posts 396east haddam (moodus) ct :) |
WOW omg ozz...that has got to be one of the most awsome poems (or songs???) hat ive seen in quite a while..i really like the whole message, and even the diveristy of the stanzas...gotta give ya your props *to the library we go* *KiMMiE i wanted to kill the sexiest person alive, but then i realized suicide is a crime!! :) |
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