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Godsend_1
Member

since 2001-04-19

Posts 247
great state of illinois

0 posted 2001-04-24 10:48 AM

i can see the pain my words do cause
and next time i promise to pause
before i say some stupid thing
i feel alone at times my love

i cant promise there will be no more fears
i dont want to hurt you baby for i hold you dear
things in my life seem to fall apart
but my love for you shall never faulter

i try and make other people be glad
and make them realize that life is not all bad
i sacrifice my feelings to make you better
i take on your pain and make it mine to

somethings in this world cant be done
like reaching up and grabing the sun
i try and make the world a better place
but i cant, i am only one man

i try and say that is no excuse
but i know that i just need to stop my abuse
the pain i feel inside my heart
makes me want to cry and break down

i know your there always with me
my beautifl love i need you baby
and with this last line i shall go
just remember all that i know

i am what i am and that is all that i am and all that i shall ever be......so deal with it

knightlyshadows
Senior Member

since 2001-04-14

Posts 791
obscured vision

1 posted 2001-04-24 12:37 PM

its ok it was just a bad night last night. everbody was having problems and so it was directed at everything and not just you. i love you ben and im sorry for making you worry. *Hugs* ill talk to you tonight.
tiff

i liked this and your other new post alot hun

“A single choice can build destinies,or destroy them.”

"at the touch of love anyone becomes a poet"

Allan Riverwood

Member Elite

since 2001-01-04

Posts 3502
Winnipeg

2 posted 2001-04-24 05:57 PM

Good job on this one, Ben... however I thought that you ended too many lines on unstressed syllables. This harmed the flow a bit.

Keep an eye out for this kind of thing.
~Allan

Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
~Unknown

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

3 posted 2001-04-24 10:22 PM

Yea, what Allan said...

nice job!

Fading Away

Member Elite

since 2001-03-14

Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia

4 posted 2001-04-25 07:32 PM

I liked this.. Although, Allan's right.. again

The flow was interrupted becuase of the syllable count. You might want to go back and look at that.
I enjoyed this, though.
Nice work.

--Marie

subconsciously, i think i can eat so much to make my stomach hurt, instead of my heart.

sleepymoongirl
Member

since 2001-04-19

Posts 157
bc canada

5 posted 2001-04-25 07:52 PM

it tis true sometimes one can feel they have to take on the problems of the world. but u don't need to make my pain urs ben cuz i would rather u don't hurt cuz i hurt. i think we both need to work on that. cool poem as alwayz love ya from me

as u go in life there will be ur hardships it is up to u if it makes u or breaks u.

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