Shadows (work in progress)

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Poet on Acid
Member

since 2001-01-07

Posts 325
Florida, USA

0 posted 2001-04-24 03:53 AM

The shadows move over my mind
leaving their prints behind
shadows of battles lost
and hearts frozen over in frost

the shadows come and go
emitting and erie glow
shadows of the future and past
unable to be seen

because they're fading to fast...

((nowhere near complete but it has been a while since I have posted anything so I thought I might as well))

"A mind is a hard thing to find and I've lost mine" - Poet on Acid

"It's too cold in the world...too cold to be alone..." - >¶ØÊ†<

SEA

Moderator

Member Seraphic

since 2000-01-18

Posts 22676
with you

1 posted 2001-04-24 09:34 AM

I think you are off to a great start! This sounds good so far......

SEA

Heavens Tears

Senior Member

since 2001-03-15

Posts 677

2 posted 2001-04-24 09:36 AM

Great start! Cant wait to see the rest!

*~*Amanda*~*

*If the only place I can live my dreams is in my sleep, then I'll sleep forever!*

Allan Riverwood

Member Elite

since 2001-01-04

Posts 3502
Winnipeg

3 posted 2001-04-24 10:34 AM

This format is genius... I honestly mean that. How do you intend to do it? I'd personally like to see an odd number of parts such as this one that you have posted, two stanzas with the third rhyming line. What you have here, plus an even number more of what you have here format-wise.

And that would most likely be one outstanding poem.
I can't wait for the finished product.
~Allan

Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
~Unknown

anonymous albert ?

Member Elite

since 2001-03-23

Posts 2979

4 posted 2001-04-24 11:45 AM

same here...definitly a great start.
jus hurry and finish the poem
..cant wait...

..

...?

death is not the greatest loss in life. the greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live. -norman cousins

[This message has been edited by anonymous albert ? (edited 04-25-2001).]

Fading Away

Member Elite

since 2001-03-14

Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia

5 posted 2001-04-24 09:11 PM

This is a great start!! You're an amazing poet to start something like this with this format.. wow! I can't wait to see the end of this.

--Marie

subconsciously, i think i can eat so much to make my stomach hurt, instead of my heart.

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

6 posted 2001-04-24 10:58 PM

I liked it.....i really would like to see the final piece before i judge it

Acies

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-07

Posts 7665
Twilight Zone

7 posted 2001-04-29 10:24 PM

You're doing really good so far my friend. Hope you get it done soon

"So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this give life to thee." W.S.

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