Teen Poetry #4 |
But a Few |
Kosetsu Member
since 2001-03-10
Posts 450Alabama, USA |
The warmth of your embrace, The softest whisper from your lips, Makes a smile cross my face. The shine in your loving eyes, The way you make me feel, The little loving games we play, Old wounds that you’ve helped me heal. The beauty in your little laugh, The purity in your grin, If loving you is a crime, Then mark upon me that sin. Dearest Angel of my Heart, These are but a few, Of the reasons that I love you as I do. "No one holds command over me. |
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© Copyright 2001 Adam Kamerer - All Rights Reserved | |||
LoneWolf Member
since 2001-03-10
Posts 384IL |
Oh, i like this one. good job here. It's too bad I'm not as wonderful a person as people say I am, because the world could use a few people like that. |
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anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
i liked this one also... niceeeeeeeee job.. keep writing ...? death is not the greatest loss in life. the greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live. -norman cousins |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
Sweet job on this, bro. A critique would be to use a bit more meter in the poem, it would really help this one to flow. ~Allan Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life. |
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Kosetsu Member
since 2001-03-10
Posts 450Alabama, USA |
Yeah, I was thinking that too, after I re-read it. But this was a short, five-six minute poem that I wrote on a moving school bus, so at the moment, I wasn't think much about it. -Kosetsu "No one holds command over me. |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
Nice job.. this was very sweet I enjoyed this.. keep posting! --Marie subconsciously, i think i can eat so much to make my stomach hurt, instead of my heart. |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Very well done.....sweet! I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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SEA
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
yep, very sweet....tugs at the heart... SEA |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
such sweet words expressed. This person means a lot to you I see. Thanks for sharing this piece, keep it up "So long as men can breathe or eyes can see, |
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