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| How to Join | Member's Area | Private Library | Search | Sanctuary | Login | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Main Forums | Discussion | Tech Talk | Mature Content | Archives |
A home without a wall, |
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| Teen Poetry #4 |
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no subject..... |
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chas Member
since 2001-04-08
Posts 101Lynn, ma |
Your death means my freedom Your life means my hope I owe everything to you And I pray for you every night No older than I Equipped with nothing but a stone With nothing but the will of a tiger With nothing but the courage of a lion With nothing but the persistence of a panther Yet you have come so far You are my inspiration I cry with you I pray with you I feel the anger you do I have been there, too I have experienced the oppression You have done nothing to deserve it Nobody believes in you Nobody understands your pain When the world is fighting to keep human rights alive They fight to take yours Nobody cares for you You have never known peace Never known a night without someone dying Never known tranquility Never known calm Never known freedom.... You are my hero I know the strength it takes for you to get up every morning To face death in the face And to somehow find the strength to smile You are my hero My inspiration And when that faithful day comes I will be by your side Declaring your freedom together Because brother, your freedom is my freedom. |
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| © Copyright 2001 chas - All Rights Reserved | |||
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chas Member
since 2001-04-08
Posts 101Lynn, ma |
sorry it does not rhyme.. |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
Not a problem, I think you compensated by doing something similar to rhyme. In a way you rhymed at the beginning of lines... with your repititions of words to start each line. That created a rhyme-like feel, a technique that I use often in my poetry. Very nice job, it turned out well. I don't know if you want a title idea, but I was thinking "Hero" would be good. ~Allan Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life. |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
This poem is very well written. Wow.. I don't know what else to say. I loved this.. The end of the first stanza especially gave me chills. *I have experienced the oppression* This is an amazing piece, chas. And one to be very proud of! Also, poetry doesn't need to rhyme to be good poetry. Allan said the same thing I noticed, the way you began each line rhymed in a way, and that made all the difference. VERY nice job, chas. You have really impressed me here. This is going in my library. Nicely done! --Marie subconsciously, i think i can eat so much to make my stomach hurt, instead of my heart. [This message has been edited by Fading Away (edited 04-23-2001).] |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
Grr.. gotta hit the button if I want it in my library! subconsciously, i think i can eat so much to make my stomach hurt, instead of my heart. |
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anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
mannn... a poem does not need to rym but only make sense i think  ..anyways..i think u did quite well on this one as i enjoyed ur eariler poems.. keep writin   ...?death is not the greatest loss in life. the greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live. -norman cousins [This message has been edited by anonymous albert ? (edited 04-23-2001).] |
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chas Member
since 2001-04-08
Posts 101Lynn, ma |
Thanks a lot, but just out of my curiosity, what do you think is the meaning of this piece? I would appreciate it if anyone would share with me.. |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Well I thought you did a great job with the poem. very good.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
This was really good. And yes, a poem does not have to rhyme. It's called free verse. I believe you have done an outstanding job. I'd like to see you write more of these  Thanks for sharing "So long as men can breathe or eyes can see, |
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JBaker515
since 2001-02-28
Posts 458Dartmouth College |
simply awesome! great job chan |
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