If I... - pipTalk Forums

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

DancinQueen

Senior Member

since 2000-07-29

Posts 1092
Kokomo,IN,USA

0 posted 2001-01-20 02:09 AM

If I...

If I held you in my arms forever
and told you we'd always be together
If I loved you unconditionally
accepting your faults unknowingly

  Would you take a step back
  to see what you walked away from
  Would you give me all your love
  every bit of strength, and then some

If I promised I'd always be there
offering you my tender-loving-care
If I looked deep into your eyes, to your heart
and told you I've loved you from the start

  Would you take everything back
  that made me crumble to te floor
  Everything that made me weak
  when you walked out that door

If I told you this was my last plea
to make you turn around and see
If I took back all the phony smiles and broken hearts
and promised to fix what tore us apart

  Would you open up to me
  and tell me how you really felt
  So that I may stop this struggle
  to change the cards that life has dealt

If I told you I can't go on or live anymore
that my heart's too badly battered and sore
If I became lifeless in your arms
weakened from all I've endured, the pain and harm

  Would you hold me in your arms forever
  and kiss away all my tears
  And tell me everything will be alright
  cry no more, for i am here



¤Sometimes the hardest thing to get over, is something you never really had¤

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

1 posted 2001-01-20 02:45 AM

Well I'm going to have to say that this was a great one. I truly liked this one here.
Good job on it, and good luck with the relationship.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

Allan Riverwood

Member Elite

since 2001-01-04

Posts 3502
Winnipeg

2 posted 2001-01-20 02:47 AM

DancinQueen... i do believe that you have out-done yourself...
I truly enjoyed this piece more than anything I have yet read of yours.  The scheme was truly excellent, the emotions so very strong and profound in this one...
Your crying out for understanding is such a great thing to express in your writing...
the format was EXCELLENT here!
I am 100% amazed by this piece!
Congratulations on an amazing poem.
Very, very excellently done DancinQueen!  Best post I have read all day, hands down.
-Allan

jeremydraul
Senior Member

since 2000-08-01

Posts 1118
State of Despair

3 posted 2001-01-20 09:19 AM

yes definately out did yourself
good to see you try and write longer, more meaningful poem.
it turned out very good

~JDR

"Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation." -Oscar Wilde

Lakewalker
Member Elite

since 2000-08-05

Posts 3289
On the streets w/ people

4 posted 2001-01-20 01:31 PM

This came across as being very sincere. I love the style you've used, the poem is excellent. I could go on forever praising this one!!! I'm going to add it to my library for later reading. Again, excellent job

"Disagreements stimulate thought, thought stimulates action, and action stimulates life." --Lakewalker
http://www.thehungersite.com

Acies

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-07

Posts 7665
Twilight Zone

5 posted 2001-01-20 02:38 PM

oh wow!!!
sweets.....omg
you should hand this to him, you really should
talking about pouring you heart out
this is exactly a perfect example of it
this is beautiful sweets, just plain beautiful
thnaks for sharing it

I see no changes, wake up in the morning I ask myself, "Is life worth living or should I blast myself" TUPAC SHAKUR

Salooma
Senior Member

since 2000-01-28

Posts 781

6 posted 2001-01-20 07:08 PM

your poem was very good, great form, words, the rhyme was great....
my opinion is that you are talking like this is the last guy in the world. i don't know, but i don't believe in teenage love, i don't believe anyone should surrender all they've got when they are still this young to another person that'll control their hearts. i don't think u can truely love anyone else, unless u have built up your inner self and most ppl in the forum probably haven't. that's just my opinion, don't mean to be offensive, but i'm replying to your post with my own opinion

great post however

Salma

~sugarpie313~
Member

since 2000-09-14

Posts 375
Maine, USA

7 posted 2001-01-20 11:36 PM

OMG *wipes the tears forming in the corner of her eyes* this was SOOO good!!!! and i mean it.

Valerie

*...Remember your roots, my friend they're right down below, because heroes come and heroes go...* - Creed

IsGona
Senior Member

since 2000-07-14

Posts 723

8 posted 2001-01-21 02:44 AM

OKay, yes you HAVE out done yourself. I liked your poems from the begining but every one I read seems to be better than the last. This was truely amzing. Nicely pened DQ
~Jason

"Every body has their destiny...
I'LL CHOOSE MY OWN
~Hatebreed~

DancinQueen

Senior Member

since 2000-07-29

Posts 1092
Kokomo,IN,USA

9 posted 2001-01-21 01:20 PM

thanks everyone

¤Sometimes the hardest thing to get over, is something you never really had¤

DancinQueen

Senior Member

since 2000-07-29

Posts 1092
Kokomo,IN,USA

10 posted 2001-01-21 08:31 PM

friendly bump

¤Sometimes the hardest thing to get over, is something you never really had¤

StarPryncess17
Senior Member

since 2000-05-31

Posts 932
Colorado

11 posted 2001-01-21 09:10 PM

I am reminded now, of something I wrote, when truly amazed by the power of words. Yours have moved me in the same way, I share with you my little piece. Kudos to you my dear. Best of luck in life and love.

another successfully written piece
words that move me beyond my shallow
yet oh so deep emotions with
childish perceptions
and mature standings on life
but still I am silent
looking for words, to describe
the inspiration I have found
within the complexities of your
long thought out, or not so
words, hoping to one day
capture such an endearing talent
in which I am able to hold my heart
in the palm of my hand
as you do just the same
and throw it out on paper,
in such magnificent ways
that intrigue, the lackers of emotion
and move the cattle that refuse
to move more than a few feet
at one moment
all because, they have no
depth to their intellect and
insights whereas life is concerned
and I...shall still go on
in my envious state, and hope
to find words that might compare
to your phenomenal talents
that I long to grasp from afar
and hold them and mold them as my own

*Being an angel doesn't mean having a halo or wings, it means doing the right thing and wanting to make a difference*

TopGunLauren
Senior Member

since 2000-08-02

Posts 718
California

12 posted 2001-01-21 11:42 PM

Well great poem like always and no matter how depressed I am I will always take time to read your poems. You know what I mean anyway keep up the great work.
Lauren

DancinQueen

Senior Member

since 2000-07-29

Posts 1092
Kokomo,IN,USA

13 posted 2001-01-28 04:09 PM

Well I've been on vacation so i haven't had a chance to reply to thank you all!

Jess~> hey babe! that poem was wonderful. glad you liked mine

Talk to you soon i hope!

Lauren~ hey grl..how u doin?? Thanks for replying

you better have stuck with that promise while i was gone or i'm gonna be mad, aight?

I'll talk to you later im sure..thanks for replying tho

Luv ya'll~~Kiley

¤Sometimes the hardest thing to get over, is something you never really had¤

sweetstuff101
Member

since 2000-07-27

Posts 375
OK, USA

14 posted 2001-01-28 05:06 PM

WOW...that was really good! I luv it!!

Would you hold me in your arms forever
  and kiss away all my tears
  And tell me everything will be alright
  cry no more, for i am hereWould you hold

Keep up the awesome work!!

Luv Always,
~*~Priscilla~*~

How come it is so easy for a person to say "I hate you," but it is so difficult for someone to say "I love you" and really mean it????

HiddenSparklez
Member

since 2000-12-29

Posts 190
British Columbia, Canada

15 posted 2001-01-28 08:43 PM

Like everyone keeps sayin' it's a great poem. I was moved and that's exactly what makes poetry so touching.

"You do what you do, you say what you say, you try to be everything to everyone... come on now, do that stupid dance for me" -Everclear

Elvenblood
Member

since 2001-02-17

Posts 409
Maine, USA

16 posted 2001-02-17 08:45 PM

Wow, first off, thank you Valerie for telling me about this one! OMG, it's so good! I absolutely love that poem! I knwo this is a late reply, but true art never dies, until it doesn't get anymore attention.

"Some men see things as they are and say why.
I dream things that never were and say why not." ~RFK

xShUgArHiGhx

Member Elite

since 2000-09-26

Posts 3150
tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs

17 posted 2001-02-22 05:52 PM

This was absolutely amaing gurl!!!!!!! So much feeling in this one...it was so sad though =o( Great piece

Starr
Member

since 2001-02-08

Posts 100

18 posted 2001-02-22 06:17 PM

This is a sensational poem!! Absolutely love it!! You write great... keep it up.... oh yeah sorry for replying so late!!

Every action of our lives touches some chord that will vibrate in eternity.

cutie2005
Member

since 2000-04-30

Posts 148
Bennett, Colorado USA

19 posted 2001-02-22 06:39 PM

this whaz an awsome poem!! Great job I loved it!!! I think I should give to to my b/f hehe.. naw its to good for him

grate job!!
Luv yas,
cutie

If you love someone you would go to the end of the world for them!

DancinQueen

Senior Member

since 2000-07-29

Posts 1092
Kokomo,IN,USA

20 posted 2001-02-22 09:22 PM

wow lol this was like my favorite poem ive ever written and i was kinda sad it didnt get that many replies...but thanks whoever bumped it!!

made my day

*dq

¤Sometimes the hardest thing to get over, is something you never really had¤

Acies

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-07

Posts 7665
Twilight Zone

21 posted 2001-02-23 06:18 PM

everytime I turn around, this poem is back up
can't blame em for liking it though

So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this give life to thee." W.S.

DancinQueen

Senior Member

since 2000-07-29

Posts 1092
Kokomo,IN,USA

22 posted 2001-02-24 01:04 AM

thanks acire!!

¤Sometimes the hardest thing to get over, is something you never really had¤

Acies

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-07

Posts 7665
Twilight Zone

23 posted 2001-02-24 03:23 PM

no problem sweets

So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this give life to thee." W.S.

Kandi
Member

since 2000-06-14

Posts 354
North of Hell

24 posted 2001-04-13 12:33 PM

wow...what an amazing poem! I dont know waht else to say...IM SO IMPRESSED!
~K~

"Don't spoons just make you smile? My friend is more of a FORK person, the butterknife makes me cry..." -Hallucinations in Blond

Fading Away

Member Elite

since 2001-03-14

Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia

25 posted 2001-04-13 10:42 AM

This is a beautiful poem. An oldie, but goodie.

nice job.

--Marie

subconsciously, i think i can eat so much to make my stomach hurt, instead of my heart.

DancinQueen

Senior Member

since 2000-07-29

Posts 1092
Kokomo,IN,USA

26 posted 2001-04-13 01:40 PM

thank you

-=We often get hurt when we trust someone we want them to be instead of who they really are=-

Acies

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-07

Posts 7665
Twilight Zone

27 posted 2001-04-13 02:25 PM

Yes this is defenitely one of my Favorites of yours. It is beautiful

"So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this give life to thee." W.S.

Heavens Tears

Senior Member

since 2001-03-15

Posts 677

28 posted 2001-04-13 03:00 PM

Great job! Truly amazing. I love the changing rhymes. Keep it up.

*If the only place I can live my dreams is in my sleep, then I'll sleep forever!*

DancinQueen

Senior Member

since 2000-07-29

Posts 1092
Kokomo,IN,USA

29 posted 2001-04-14 02:12 PM

lol D you keep bumping it

-=We often get hurt when we trust someone we want them to be instead of who they really are=-

Acies

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-07

Posts 7665
Twilight Zone

30 posted 2001-04-14 06:41 PM

no I don't

"So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this give life to thee." W.S.

Linc

Senior Member

since 2001-03-07

Posts 552
The Backstreet Boy

31 posted 2001-04-14 06:47 PM

Superb
nuff said

--Linc

"Once you reach your original goal it seems that the journey was your real accomplishment."

DancinQueen

Senior Member

since 2000-07-29

Posts 1092
Kokomo,IN,USA

32 posted 2001-04-15 08:19 PM

lol you do too...quit it, and you know I haven't really been able to write after this one. I feel like I can't top it. It's an awful feeling...its like constant writer's block. i hate it...but ah well. SOMEthing will come to me..

-=We often get hurt when we trust someone we want them to be instead of who they really are=-

lonely*soul
Member

since 2001-04-05

Posts 396
east haddam (moodus) ct :)

33 posted 2001-04-15 10:11 PM

hey thats a really great poem..this person must be wicked special if your not giving up!! good job!
*KiM*

" im surrounded by people, but yet im still all alone"

Acies

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-07

Posts 7665
Twilight Zone

34 posted 2001-04-16 06:45 PM

quit what

I'm not doing anything

"So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this give life to thee." W.S.

Erin
Member Elite

since 2000-06-15

Posts 2527
~Chicago~

35 posted 2001-04-16 07:47 PM

DQ~
This is an amazing piece. I am really glad that acire keeps bumping it or I would of missed it. I give you 2 thumbs up girl. Keep it up!!!

p.s.~This is going im my library!

banburycross
Senior Member

since 2001-03-27

Posts 946
viginia

36 posted 2001-04-17 12:53 PM

I'm sorry that i missed this the first time, but i'm really glad i had the chance to read such a beautiful piece. this is really excellent writing, i hope i get to read more in the future.

Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing.

DancinQueen

Senior Member

since 2000-07-29

Posts 1092
Kokomo,IN,USA

37 posted 2001-04-17 10:45 PM

k time for this one to retire

-=We often get hurt when we trust someone we want them to be instead of who they really are=-

Acies

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-07

Posts 7665
Twilight Zone

38 posted 2001-04-18 10:44 AM

people are still replying to it

"So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this give life to thee." W.S.

Heavens Tears

Senior Member

since 2001-03-15

Posts 677

39 posted 2001-04-18 11:13 AM

Beautiful poem. I thought I had replied to it before, but I guess not! You express your emotions really well in this one.

*If the only place I can live my dreams is in my sleep, then I'll sleep forever!*

Acies

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-07

Posts 7665
Twilight Zone

40 posted 2001-04-18 08:42 PM

nuh uh

"So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this give life to thee." W.S.

Low Man's Lyric
Member

since 2001-04-03

Posts 236
In a dream

41 posted 2001-04-18 11:26 PM

WOW, this is the first time I read this poem and I have to say that IT KICKS ***!! Definitly going into my library. P.S. I think your cute

Give her two red roses, each with a note. The first note says "For the woman I love" and the second, "For my best friend."
~Anonymous

[This message has been edited by Low Man's Lyric (edited 04-18-2001).]

DancinQueen

Senior Member

since 2000-07-29

Posts 1092
Kokomo,IN,USA

42 posted 2001-04-18 11:59 PM

LOL Thank you Low Man...but that pic is like a year old

-=We often get hurt when we trust someone we want them to be instead of who they really are=-

Angel Bee
Member

since 2001-01-30

Posts 176
Virginia

43 posted 2001-04-19 02:56 PM

I thought this was good. I know what you feel, and it goes away! :o) yay!! hehe Well, hope all gets better! Keep writing! :o)
~ab~

*~Sometimes just holding hands is holding on to everything.~*

knightlyshadows
Senior Member

since 2001-04-14

Posts 791
obscured vision

44 posted 2001-04-19 03:52 PM

is replying to a post the only way to add a poem to my library?

Low Man's Lyric
Member

since 2001-04-03

Posts 236
In a dream

45 posted 2001-04-19 06:41 PM

Yes

Give her two red roses, each with a note. The first note says "For the woman I love" and the second, "For my best friend."
~Anonymous

Low Man's Lyric
Member

since 2001-04-03

Posts 236
In a dream

46 posted 2001-04-19 07:54 PM

If that picture is a year old I wonder how you must look now! Hmm lets see I think I can do this mathematicly...ok so that picture is a year old so that means about 356 days have passed since you had that taken ... so 1 x 356 = 356. So you are 356 times more cuter now then that year old pic

Give her two red roses, each with a note. The first note says "For the woman I love" and the second, "For my best friend."
~Anonymous

[This message has been edited by Low Man's Lyric (edited 04-19-2001).]

DancinQueen

Senior Member

since 2000-07-29

Posts 1092
Kokomo,IN,USA

47 posted 2001-04-19 11:53 PM

LOL whoa...LowMan...thank you

-=We often get hurt when we trust someone we want them to be instead of who they really are=-

Acies

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-07

Posts 7665
Twilight Zone

48 posted 2001-04-20 05:43 PM

after 365 days more, they usually become beautiful/gorgeous

"So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this give life to thee." W.S.

Acies

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-07

Posts 7665
Twilight Zone

49 posted 2001-04-22 10:13 PM

Did it work Kiley?

"So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this give life to thee." W.S.

Low Man's Lyric
Member

since 2001-04-03

Posts 236
In a dream

50 posted 2001-04-22 10:17 PM

Yes your right acire, she isn't just cute but she is also beautiful.

Give her two red roses, each with a note. The first note says "For the woman I love" and the second, "For my best friend."
~Anonymous

DancinQueen

Senior Member

since 2000-07-29

Posts 1092
Kokomo,IN,USA

51 posted 2001-04-22 10:36 PM

LOL WHOA you two

**You can't always trust the people you want to**

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.