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Teen Poetry #4
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| Teen Poetry #4 |
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No Title |
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Heavens Tears
since 2001-03-15
Posts 677
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This is a oldie. I got to sleep early last night, so I couldnt really write anything. The mood didnt strike me. So I decided to share w/ you something I wrote a few months ago. Walking through a desert I look around, seeing only dry sand With nothing ot hold it together All these grains, so separate So vunerable to erosion Much like my life Too many memories Too many mistakes That cant be understood Because the only thing that connects them Is that they are all part of me But I am slowly falling apart So what is left to hold them together? *If the only place I can live my dreams is in my sleep, then I'll sleep forever!* |
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| © Copyright 2001 Heavens Tears - All Rights Reserved | |||
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banburycross Senior Member
since 2001-03-27
Posts 946viginia |
Wow, great imagery in this i like it a lot. i also really liked the way that you ended this piece. beautifully done, keep posting all of your work. Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing. |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
Again, there are a few typos here that stand out that you might want to go back and fix, but other than that this is a very good piece. I enjoyed the read very much.. the imagery is beautiful, and the flow was great. Nicely done. --Marie subconsciously, i think i can eat so much to make my stomach hurt, instead of my heart. |
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Hand Me Down Junior Member
since 2001-04-08
Posts 32WV |
I really liked this, the feel of it was great, keep writing. "Cause I can't fix something this complex anymore than I can build a rose" |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
I love the question you ended on... great job here!  ~Allan Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life. |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Very well done. Leaving the poem open for question in itself is very good. I liked this.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
Very well written poem my friend. You've got me thinking now "So long as men can breathe or eyes can see, |
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fozzyozzy Member
since 2001-03-15
Posts 336Lessburg Virginia |
I really understand this! No joke. You managed to get through to my skull (not that it's an easy job). Congratulations. "The heart can think of no devotion |
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AngelPoet87 Member
since 2001-04-21
Posts 280Indy |
Good one, I think thats a question we'de all like the answer to... ~ali 2Good |
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anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
great job on this... i liked it. nicely written.. keep writing   ...? |
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Bishop Junior Member
since 2001-04-22
Posts 30Nottingham, England |
Very good. I loved the ending |
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