Deadly Flaw&A Floating Fight (Completion of 6th Round)

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Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

0 posted 2001-04-09 10:38 PM

NOTE: Yes, that's right! It's over and done with! Thank the Lord almighty!!!! I have finally completed the 6th round. Within this thread you will see two poems. One short and one regular. Please comment on both....

Deadly Flaw:

A viper bliss soon to be
With poisonous venom attacks.
The deadly bite you shall not see.
Perception is what you lack.

*********************************************
A Floating Fight:

And so we're lost forever
In our seas of fears.
Idle dreams of falsehood
Until the ocean clears.

Rocking boat of love
Swaying from left to right.
Giving in is too easy.
Out living our fight.

And in your eyes
Your dingy has sank
Within phony feeling,
And undesired thank.

We're the chosen ones
With a passion driven boat.
You're sinking under water,
And yet I stay afloat.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

Dark Enchantress
Senior Member

since 1999-07-27

Posts 1258
meet Morgana

1 posted 2001-04-09 10:59 PM

Both of them were just amazing, Javier. That's all I can really say. Just amazing.

I had a dream once that I could fly and I laughed at everyone and kicked them in the back of the head because they couldn't fly too. :)

Allan Riverwood

Member Elite

since 2001-01-04

Posts 3502
Winnipeg

2 posted 2001-04-09 11:50 PM

Yeah, they are pretty good man! I especially like the second one, the first one contained a thought that could have been stretched out over a larger area, in my opinion. It was just a bit too short.

Still a good few posts. What do you mean by the sixth round? Forgive my ignorance.

~Allan

The sun was born, so it shall die. ~VNV Nation, "Further"

coyote
Senior Member

since 2001-03-17

Posts 1077

3 posted 2001-04-10 01:18 AM

I liked both of these, Javier.
The way you see things is different from me.
I know I'll learn something from that.
Good job. Please keep posting.
Thanks.

"I hate quotes, they suck!"
I.G. Norance

anonymous albert ?

Member Elite

since 2001-03-23

Posts 2979

4 posted 2001-04-10 02:06 AM

nicely written.keep writing. dopey like always man. great poem

[This message has been edited by anonymous albert ? (edited 04-10-2001).]

Child of the Stars

Senior Member

since 2000-09-07

Posts 1658
Ann Arbor, MI

5 posted 2001-04-10 06:56 AM

Hurraayy!!! Does this mean we get to see your new stuffs Javi? I can't remember if you mentioned anything about a seventh round..anyways these poems KICKED. I liked the way the first one was very to-the-point, it made it easier to understand at 7 in the morning. The sencond one was very good too, the last stanza being my fave. Wellll ciao!

~Carly

NOTE TO SELF: Live to love and love to live.

Ina
Senior Member

since 2000-10-09

Posts 1236
Quebec, Canada

6 posted 2001-04-10 07:46 AM

amazing job Javier. Both of them were great. So the 6th round(?) done , kewl. Im still figuring that out.
great!
Regina

a small cut is only the beggining of a life in pain

banburycross
Senior Member

since 2001-03-27

Posts 946
viginia

7 posted 2001-04-10 09:51 AM

I thought both of these were amazing poems, incredibly well written. as far as the 6th round goes, i'm lost, but i'm used to that. great job, i can't wait to read more of your work.

Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing.

keoni
Senior Member

since 2000-10-16

Posts 850
Up in the mountains in the NFC

8 posted 2001-04-10 02:03 PM

Congratulations on finally finishing the 6th round. What a good way to end it too. Both were really good. On to the more current stuff now, right? Cant' wait!
Jon

"Your anger is a gift"-Rage Against The Machine

Fading Away

Member Elite

since 2001-03-14

Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia

9 posted 2001-04-10 03:25 PM

I also think you could have expanded on the first one a little more... but both were excellent, and very well written. It's good to read more from you!
Great job on both.

--Marie

"Hope is a thing with feathers that perches in the soul." --Emily Dickinson

LoveBug

Moderator

Member Elite

since 2000-01-08

Posts 4697

10 posted 2001-04-10 03:37 PM

Both of these were well-written, but I enjoyed the second one the most. I especally love this stanza:

"We're the chosen ones
With a passion driven boat.
You're sinking under water,
And yet I stay afloat."

Keep 'em coming, pal!

"Men judge generally more by the eye than by the hand, for everyone can see and few can feel."-Machiavelli

Acies

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-07

Posts 7665
Twilight Zone

11 posted 2001-04-20 11:38 AM

Not bad Dopey, not bad at all....
Seems like you've been sarcastic or attacking someone lately
why's that?

"So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this give life to thee." W.S.

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

12 posted 2001-04-21 01:08 AM

This was my bitter self talking about my X.
Very old pieces....more than half a year old

cherish
Senior Member

since 2001-03-25

Posts 1639
swimming in fairy floss...........

13 posted 2001-04-22 02:37 AM

hey javvie..

..im being naughty again...you know why..*looks guilty*
hey i loved them both..but i gotta say sumthing about the first one..the deadly flaw in deadly flaw ( haha )is tautology...however you may spell that...
"you shall not see,
perception is what you lack"
i know what you're trying to say bubber...but its kinda repeating yourself

i LOVED the second one cuz of the way you kept to the theme of sailing..hhehehe..you rock!!

"Life is not long and boring,
it's short and compelling." -Javier Agosto-

Bishop
Junior Member

since 2001-04-22

Posts 30
Nottingham, England

14 posted 2001-04-23 02:09 AM

Very good man! I know what you mean when I'm reading this!

^*Bishop*^

*Evil has many faces, and I'm one of them*

Allysa

Senior Member

since 1999-11-09

Posts 1952
In an upside-down garden

15 posted 2001-04-23 08:10 AM

I'm BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Anyways, great job Dopey! Congrats on completion of 6th round!!!!! BYES~!

I wish people would stop telling me that I can do anything I want to. I never thought that I couldn't.
Life's tough, get a helmet.

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