Scrutinized - pipTalk Forums

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

Fading Away

Member Elite

since 2001-03-14

Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia

0 posted 2001-04-19 10:24 AM

I wrote this one a few days. I don't care for it much, but I figured it was something worth sharing. Let me know what you think:
------------------------------------------------------------

I am scrutinized.
Everyone is watching,
Everyone is whispering,
Waiting...
Waiting for me to fall down again,
In pursuit of my next unattainable goal.

“Perfection...”
It's never good enough.
Never was,
And never is.
I don’t believe you anyway,
You'll say anything to make me feel better.
Liars.
I know the truth.

“Good...”
Was I?
Not me, no way.
Don’t say things you don’t mean.
Every day is a battle to hold my own,
And I lose.
I know the truth.

"Better..."
Not me.
Maybe them.
But they don’t include the wasters.
I’m still failing miserably,
A pathetic fool.
I know the truth.

I am scrutinized
A weak,
Worthless waste of space.

--Marie

subconsciously, i think i can eat so much to make my stomach hurt, instead of my heart.

Allan Riverwood

Member Elite

since 2001-01-04

Posts 3502
Winnipeg

1 posted 2001-04-19 11:49 AM

I'll agree that it's not exactly the best you've written. However the idea for the format is creative... go with it. A word, and an expansion on it.
Try this a few more times yet Marie...

~Allan

Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
~Unknown

banburycross
Senior Member

since 2001-03-27

Posts 946
viginia

2 posted 2001-04-19 12:54 PM

I like the format of this a lot, but if you decide to go back and revise this i would work on the ending of this a little bit. this piece, as always beautifully threaded with emotion, i always love reading your writing (it's wonderful and you know i don't lie to you sweetie). don't stop writing beautifully poetry

Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing.

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

3 posted 2001-04-19 03:05 PM

I disagree with what the poem is saying. I enjoy your company here at passions...so a waste of space? Hardly the case...

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

Child of the Stars

Senior Member

since 2000-09-07

Posts 1658
Ann Arbor, MI

4 posted 2001-04-19 03:32 PM

Hmm...I liked this...I liked this a lot...something in it...hmm....yeah..maybe cuz I can relate...but babe, you gotta get over this kinda feelin...You're great, ya know? Have a smiley day.

~Carly

There is pleasure in poetic pains which only poets know......~Unknown

anonymous albert ?

Member Elite

since 2001-03-23

Posts 2979

5 posted 2001-04-19 05:09 PM

i can totally relate to this also..
its jus one of those feelings that tears u inside..hope u feel alright..its a great poem its jus that people don't relate to it thats y it might be good to some and not as satisfactory to another...keep writing.

...?

anonymousfemale
Member Elite

since 2000-02-02

Posts 2797
Limbo

6 posted 2001-12-11 11:04 AM

The day you become a waste of space is the day little children become president and Australias PM dons a skirt.

The raw emotion in this is fantastic. I happen to like this better than your more structured ones. That's just me though.

Thanks for the read!!

~AF~

"Always keep focus on your dreams because most often than not that's all you'll have." - Javier

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.