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knightlyshadows
Senior Member

since 2001-04-14

Posts 791
obscured vision

0 posted 2001-04-19 01:35 AM

i just started writting for my own pleasure monday and im still pretty new at this. this one and the others i have already posted still need some work i think but i dont know. please feel free to critic me and tell me if and/or what you would change. thanks

lunar lights are shining
shinging down on me
looking up to see them
and its a mystery
of all the days before me
of all the days to come
of all the possibilities
of all the endless time

lonely*soul
Member

since 2001-04-05

Posts 396
east haddam (moodus) ct :)

1 posted 2001-04-19 08:11 AM

cuteness..and your right there is an endless possibility  (to everything)  good job  and im likin your style on all your poems

~good read  *KiMmIe*

" im surrounded by people, but yet im still all alone"

Heavens Tears

Senior Member

since 2001-03-15

Posts 677

2 posted 2001-04-19 09:10 AM

I really like your poetry so far. Just keep it up. It takes everyone time to develop teh perfect poem. How long have I been at this? How good is my poetry? See what I mean about time?

*If the only place I can live my dreams is in my sleep, then I'll sleep forever!*

Fading Away

Member Elite

since 2001-03-14

Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia

3 posted 2001-04-19 09:21 AM

This isn't a bad poem considering you're new to this. My suggestion, though, if you want to be critiqued, then I urge you to go to change your profile and put up a crtique flag. Nice job on this poem, though. It's not bad.

--Marie

subconsciously, i think i can eat so much to make my stomach hurt, instead of my heart.

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

4 posted 2001-04-19 02:20 PM

Great poem. I enjoyed it alot but I expected the last line to be a bit different. The ryhme scheme is good, but oh well. I liked it....don't worry. I can't quite pinpoint what i thought was shady about the poem. I know it's somewhere in the ending.
ANyhow, nicely done.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

knightlyshadows
Senior Member

since 2001-04-14

Posts 791
obscured vision

5 posted 2001-04-19 02:39 PM

dope, i have to agree theres something wrong with it but i could never get it right thats y i posted it hoping to get some ideas for it

yes it has to do with that last line im just not to happy with it! thanx guys for all the postive feedback!!! i aprreciate it! tiff

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