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princess^sarah
Member

since 2001-01-12

Posts 131
melbourne

0 posted 2001-04-18 02:15 AM

My head is screaming
And my heart's thumping lifelessly in it's cage.
The weight of the world is on my shoulders
It's been pushing me down for a while.
My state of mind is shattering
And things just aren't like what they used to be.
People don't understand
All the little intricacies that make up me.
A lonely person in a crowd of millions
Pushing against the flow.
Trying to find their place
And doubting all of their chances.
Holding onto that shred of hope and sanity.
Clutching it tightly, afraid to let go
Spiralling upwards or downwards.
It all depends on now.





I don't know how to help you
Out of this pain you are in.
But don't blame him for leaving,
His death was not a sin.

Don't think that he left you,
Or even that he's gone,
Because you need to keep
The memory living on.

I don't know what it's like,
To lose somebody close to you,
All I know is that,
You must keep the memory true.

I believe his leaving,
Wasn't really meant
But I also think the truth is,
He never really went.

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

1 posted 2001-04-18 03:13 AM

I REALLY enjoyed the second part of the whole poem. Very nicely written. Hope to see more soon!

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

anonymous albert ?

Member Elite

since 2001-03-23

Posts 2979

2 posted 2001-04-18 03:41 AM

beautifuly written. great poem...
i really liked this one..sarah!!

the first the last
well.. i liked both the same
so keep writing

....

...???

Acies

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-07

Posts 7665
Twilight Zone

3 posted 2001-04-22 01:35 AM

I really liked the post. Specially the first part. I'm a big fan of just freestyling. thanks for sharing

"So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this give life to thee." W.S.

fozzyozzy
Member

since 2001-03-15

Posts 336
Lessburg Virginia

4 posted 2001-04-22 01:43 AM

Sarah, this poem is one of your best in my opinion. The flow in the second part was what I especially noticed. Everything seemed right. I also liked the transition from freeverse into an iambic pentameter.

"The heart can think of no devotion
Greater than being shore to ocean
Holding the curve of one position
Counting an endless repetition"
-

Allan Riverwood

Member Elite

since 2001-01-04

Posts 3502
Winnipeg

5 posted 2001-04-22 02:26 AM

I agree with Ozz, this is probably one of your very best.

Although I didn't see a hint of Iambic Pentameter in the poem, I'm sure Ozz was just trying to be clever.

There was definitely a great flow to both halves of the poem, and the title is awesome.
Excellent job, Sarah; this hits the library.
~Allan

Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
~Unknown

cherish
Senior Member

since 2001-03-25

Posts 1639
swimming in fairy floss...........

6 posted 2001-04-22 03:39 AM

wow...that was GREAT!!
i really loved the line:
People don't understand
All the little intricacies that make up me
that's so true for everybody i think..

i loved the last line of the second one too..it was awesome

great poems!

"Life is not long and boring,
it's short and compelling." -Javier Agosto-

Fading Away

Member Elite

since 2001-03-14

Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia

7 posted 2001-04-23 08:52 PM

This is definitely one of my favs from you. Very beautiful work.. Especially the second part.
Nicely done. It's going in my library.

--Marie

subconsciously, i think i can eat so much to make my stomach hurt, instead of my heart.

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