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Teen Poetry #4
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Dana Samples
Member
since 2001-04-07
Posts 68


0 posted 2001-04-17 09:33 PM


"Carnival of Life"

life is one big circus wheel
round and round it goes
some times going chaotic
screams only echoes

ungodly clowns by both side
bring only the past
now utterly disfigured
a mutated outcast

must go and join the side show
all the sharks can view
hungry for disfigured skin
must be on the menu

down on the cotton candy floor
body now all greased
sharks tare your body apart
now laying deceased…..

(…silence…)

"You have now been consumed by
the Carnival of death!"


By: Dana Samples 4-17-01
(hey guys thanks for reading. if you don't catch what i am talking about it has to do with life. i'll let you interpet it your own way from there. it also doesn't flow very well but like that for a reason. thanks again. cheers!!)

[This message has been edited by Dana Samples (edited 04-17-2001).]

© Copyright 2001 Dana Samples - All Rights Reserved
Kosetsu
Member
since 2001-03-10
Posts 450
Alabama, USA
1 posted 2001-04-17 09:41 PM


This one's pretty good...not your best that I've seen though. I like the dark use of words.

-Kosetsu

It can't be!
He exists..
Master of the Oceans!
It's..
Leviathan...

Dana Samples
Member
since 2001-04-07
Posts 68

2 posted 2001-04-17 10:50 PM


i know that it isn't one of my best but its how i think of life sometimes. glad you like the dark words. cheers!!

lots of love, dana

Dopey Dope
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Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico
3 posted 2001-04-17 11:07 PM


Actually i truly enjoyed this one greatly!
This was awesome. So creative here.
VERY well done.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

Acies
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Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665
Twilight Zone
4 posted 2001-05-17 08:39 PM


This is really dark but is still an interesting read.  keep it up and keep sharing

"So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this give life to thee."  W.S.

Allan Riverwood
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Member Elite
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502
Winnipeg
5 posted 2001-05-18 12:14 PM


The ending was hilarious!  It made me laugh out loud.
Was I supposed to?  Help me out here, Dana.  
~Allan

Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day.  Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.  
~Unknown

anonymous albert ?
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979

6 posted 2001-05-18 02:56 AM


hey i liked this one a lot...the whole thing was just great...thanks for sharing... ...?

if i die before i wake , i pray the lord my soul will take-"when thugs cry"

vixengrl04
Member
since 2001-04-26
Posts 495
East Haddam, CT
7 posted 2001-05-18 11:31 AM


I love the metaphors here, life can surely be so much like a carnival, only I feel more like a mime! Good job though!  

~*Nikki*~

~*Of all the millions of people in the world, I'm just me.*~

banburycross
Senior Member
since 2001-03-27
Posts 946
viginia
8 posted 2001-05-18 01:53 PM


this is a truly excellent use of metaphor in this piece, i like this a whole lot.  i thought the flow in this one was good to, you wrote this well.  keep posting all your work.

Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing.

Fading Away
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Member Elite
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia
9 posted 2001-06-16 01:23 PM


VERY nice work, Dana... as usual    This one is, personally, one of the best I've read from you.  I loved the flow, and the use of the metaphor was awesome.  Nice work.  The ending was cute    Good job!

--Marie

"You're the girl of my nightmares.
You're an Anorexic Beauty, feather-weight perfection.  Anorexic Beauty, underweight goddess." -- Pulp

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