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Teen Poetry #4
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(Leaf Series) #1- Fire
| Teen Poetry #4 |
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(Leaf Series) #1- Fire |
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LoveBug
Moderator
Member Elite
since 2000-01-08
Posts 4697
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The world was cold and harsh Men had nothing of their own Wandering about the earth… alone Their light was the sun The only warmth and guide When it fell behind the horizon There was nothing… Nothing One cold night, an early man Hid in a forest As the rain began to fall He shivered as the rain fell down The wind and rain were the only sounds As he shivered there, alone,in the night And then CLAP! The earth shook as it hit the earth The man jumped up and look around And then, to his left, he saw a light A light! He made his way towards the light He saw that it was a tree, torn down And that it lit up with light Oh, and such a light! He stretched his hand and touched it Ah! Too hot! But standing by it was like standing under the golden orb It dried the rain off of his body And took the chill out of the wind The man looked up And lighted by the fire Were other men, like him! They looked at each other curiously The man motioned to them to touch the light They did… Ah, too hot! But they looked at each other and laughed And still, When the world is dark and lonely Men gather and laugh around the light Until it isn't quite so cold And the darkness is no more  "Men judge generally more by the eye than by the hand, for everyone can see and few can feel."-Machiavelli Blame Canada! [This message has been edited by LoveBug (edited 04-16-2001).] |
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| © Copyright 2001 Erica N. - All Rights Reserved | |||
Linc
since 2001-03-07
Posts 552The Backstreet Boy |
Superb!!! well I will come back ofter I have something to say besides Superb!!! -- Linc "Once you reach your original goal it seems that the journey was your real accomplishment." |
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Dark Enchantress Senior Member
since 1999-07-27
Posts 1258meet Morgana |
I really enjoyed this poem. Something different is always appreciated by me.  "...if you want love you must be love.." Billy Corgan, Smashing Pumpkins [This message has been edited by Dark Enchantress (edited 04-16-2001).] |
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Hand Me Down Junior Member
since 2001-04-08
Posts 32WV |
I LOVE IT! hurry up and do some more! "Cause I can't fix something this complex anymore than I can build a rose" |
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anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
nice poem! i really enjoyed the great read. keep writing  [This message has been edited by anonymous albert ? (edited 04-17-2001).] |
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banburycross Senior Member
since 2001-03-27
Posts 946viginia |
I really like the idea behind this whole this whole series and i liked the first poem a whole lot. i eagerly await the rest of these poems. Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing. |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
*kisses erica* There's some latin flavor as a present due to your amazing poem. woh00!  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
I like this one, Erica. I don't see why you were worried about it... The steps were very creative, how you put single words or pairs of words apart from others, like "CLAP" and "A light!" However one critique I am going to make on this poem is the fact that the tone wasn't very definite... it was at times very serious, and at times a bit less and actually somewhat humourous. For example, the phrase "Ah, too hot!" It didn't have much of a perfect tone throughout, that's the one flaw that I see in here. Other than that, I have to say this was not a disappointment in the least, it's quite impressive. ~Allan Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life. |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
What a beautiful site you have set up on this one Erica. jeff is right about your writing Where is the second one? where is it? ~*applauds*~"So long as men can breathe or eyes can see, |
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