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Teen Poetry #4
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Is It More Than A Feeling?
| Teen Poetry #4 |
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Is It More Than A Feeling? |
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Low Man's Lyric Member
since 2001-04-03
Posts 236In a dream |
Is It More Than A Feeling?Is it flirting or is it more Because of this I do not know It's your approach I do adore But from here where do I go I had no one else on my mind untill that day I bumped into you You seem like fun and very kind If only I can talk to you I been meaning to make my move But I'm very quiet and shy I wanted to be very smooth Instead I walk away and fly I write this only to you So I can tell you how I feel I want our love to be true Please tell me if its real I hope my poem was cute and tidy If you want you can write back to me My locker number is one hundred ninety Then we will see if we were ment to be I am writing this poem and putting it into this girl's locker because Im unsure of her signals she's sending me. If there is a part of this poem that you didn't like and you thought of something better to go in its place PLEASE TELL ME because I want this poem to be almost perfect. Thanks all. Give her two red roses, each with a note. The first note says "For the woman I love" and the second, "For my best friend." |
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| © Copyright 2001 Aaron B. - All Rights Reserved | |||
Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
I personally think this poem is pretty much perfect for its cause. Don't blow her away though, because it needs a certain innocent mood about it in order to be effective here. I did think this seemed like a cute, fun albeit professional poem. Just the proper tool for the task.  Best of luck with the situation. ~Allan Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life. |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
For the sake of your future self I'm going to flat out say that this seems quite childish.....you can come up with much better than this. You're going to give this to her......hmmmmm....I wouldn't give that to her....my opinion....but i don't want you to burn, do I? This is not to offend you but my alarm rang when i heard you were gonna give this to her. It's extremely cute....but it's kiddy cute. Know what I mean? Kinda like you write a note "if you like me circle yes." Blah to that, but blah to the mushy mushy love love stuff cuz yer not in love with her yet. So.....find a happy medium. I mean....why write a note in the first place? My experience is to flat out go out to the woman. If you're going to face rejection, might as well face it and not just write a note. Erm.......you have the right idea though, I just think it should be written better. I think you plugged in a few words in there JUST to ryhme this up...those were my 4 cents  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
I agree with Javi on this one. I think that the whole putting things in locker stuff is pretty immature, anyway. If you have something to say to her, I think she would appreciate it much more if it was face to face instead of in a note. You might be surprised by the outcome. --Marie subconsciously, i think i can eat so much to make my stomach hurt, instead of my heart. |
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Low Man's Lyric Member
since 2001-04-03
Posts 236In a dream |
Yeah your right I should just go up and talk to her. I spent like 60 minutes + on this poem and now its not going to be used, but atleast it will be on passsions for everyone to read  Give her two red roses, each with a note. The first note says "For the woman I love" and the second, "For my best friend." |
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Child of the Stars
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658Ann Arbor, MI |
Awwwwwwwwww..........  There are pleasures in poetic pains that only poets know......~Unknown |
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lonely*soul Member
since 2001-04-05
Posts 396east haddam (moodus) ct :) |
its a cute idea..but i think you guys would hit it off alot better, if you went up to her and told her what you feel...always works with me!!!...wait no it doesnt..thats never happened...hehe good luck KiM |
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Jesse Jaymz Senior Member
since 2000-01-24
Posts 708Youngstown, ohio |
now i usually dont come to this forum but i might have to now. i first seen your name and being a metallica fan it cought my eye. and this poem hooked me in. great poem. and i wish you luck with it Jesse Jaymz All I feel is hurt and sorrow, praying it'll all be gone by tomorrow but as tomorrow rolls around, another tear hits the ground. |
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Jenn Cirrincione
since 2000-07-02
Posts 2107Fl |
I agree with Javi... and I wish you luck. I totally understand your feelings. "I've come too close to happiness, to have it swept away,don't think I can take the pain, never fall again..." Janet |
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Suga_Baby Member
since 2000-08-06
Posts 380Maine, USA |
I agree with Javier in that you need to be careful what you say because you are not in love with her yet... Personally, if I recieved this poem from a guy, the talk about being meant to be and stuff would be slightly overwhelming. While the poem is otherwise ADORABLE, all this talk of love and being meant to be would probably deter me from making a reply to you. You need to find a safety zone... something that will get her attention but not be so strong that it will scare her away... Something light and cute that will spark her curiousity. Good job! "A dream is a wish your heart makes while you are fast asleep." |
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banburycross Senior Member
since 2001-03-27
Posts 946viginia |
i think it's probably a little late to be giving you advice on the situation so i'll just talk about the actual poem. i thought that the flow was good and that the piece was a fun one. i really liked the mood of this. i really hope that things worked out with the girl too keep posting your work.Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing. |
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Low Man's Lyric Member
since 2001-04-03
Posts 236In a dream |
Umm well, Im not sure how this poem came back to page 1 but I don't mind. As for the situation with the girl, I am still working on it. Thanks for all your replies and helpful suggestions. Give her two red roses, each with a note. The first note says "For the woman I love" and the second, "For my best friend." |
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Low Man's Lyric Member
since 2001-04-03
Posts 236In a dream |
Give her two red roses, each with a note. The first note says "For the woman I love" and the second, "For my best friend." |
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Ender Member
since 1999-12-08
Posts 200Yuma, AZ USA |
My one tip to you is that if you are able to hit it off with her, get to know her and one day when you two are talking and all about how mush u like each other, tell her about this poem and how you were going to put it in her locker but decided against it because going up to her and talking to her in person would be more romantic....that is how i did it and dude, all i can say is that my g.f loved it when i told her about it....but make sure you tell her at the right time...dont tell her at the beginning of the relationship...let your relationship become more solidified before you do this (if you do)....yep---there is my tip....great poem...actually, all your poems are great and thank you for sharing them with us. you have a real skill for poetry and i congratulate you on that. keep up the awsome work. *Blonde people are normal. Everyone else is just strange. -Ender* |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
I'm not even gonna leave you with tips. Seems like everyone else has done that. Beautiful poem and I'd love to read more of your work. Thanks for sharing "So long as men can breathe or eyes can see, |
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anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
this is what i needed to read at this time...a nice and sweet poem...i hope this situation worked out all good for you...sorry for the late reply but...i did enjoy this poem much...thanks cya~...  ...?if i die before i wake , i pray the lord my soul will take-"when thugs cry" |
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