Spinning Light (paradelle)

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Allan Riverwood

Member Elite

since 2001-01-04

Posts 3502
Winnipeg

0 posted 2001-04-13 12:38 PM

in the start of time
in the start of time
crawling onto land
crawling onto land
crawling of time
start in, onto the land

gills becoming lungs
gills becoming lungs
feet to walk the earth
feet to walk the earth
gills to lungs, feet walk
becoming the earth

spinning, setting sun
spinning, setting sun
plants absorbed the light
plants absorbed the light
spinning light, absorbed
plants the setting sun

start, time of lungs
the light in the sun
setting onto the earth
spinning feet walk, gills crawling to land
becoming plants absorbed

banburycross
Senior Member

since 2001-03-27

Posts 946
viginia

1 posted 2001-04-13 12:46 PM

These are incredibly hard to write and i like the way you experiment with every concievable format and make it your own. this one was very creative, i liked it a lot.

Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing.

keoni
Senior Member

since 2000-10-16

Posts 850
Up in the mountains in the NFC

2 posted 2001-04-13 12:47 PM

Allan, man I like this one! It is great. The rhyming and the recycling of the words made this poem a treat to read. It is library bound!
Jon

"Your anger is a gift"-Rage Against The Machine

keoni
Senior Member

since 2000-10-16

Posts 850
Up in the mountains in the NFC

3 posted 2001-04-13 12:48 PM

I'm retarded, Now it's library bound!
Jon

"Your anger is a gift"-Rage Against The Machine

LoveBug

Moderator

Member Elite

since 2000-01-08

Posts 4697

4 posted 2001-04-13 12:51 PM

A very complicated form here, and you pull it off really well. The stuggle from earth to land... very powerful. Thanks for sharing.

"Men judge generally more by the eye than by the hand, for everyone can see and few can feel."-Machiavelli

Attack Ferrit
Junior Member

since 2001-04-09

Posts 41
texas

5 posted 2001-04-13 01:29 PM

great post man. especially like the last stanza.

everything is skin deep

aim: theattackferrit
email: [email protected]

Linc

Senior Member

since 2001-03-07

Posts 552
The Backstreet Boy

6 posted 2001-04-13 02:08 PM

Superb as always

-- Linc

"Once you reach your original goal it seems that the journey was your real accomplishment."

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

7 posted 2001-04-13 02:10 PM

This is too complicated for me to do.....so yea. But nice job allan.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

Child of the Stars

Senior Member

since 2000-09-07

Posts 1658
Ann Arbor, MI

8 posted 2001-04-13 04:05 PM

Hey hey hey! Very nice work on this, I liked it lots...very lots. Maybe sometime I'll post MY paradelle! Or not! Hah! Yeah! Well!! CiAo!

~Carly

There are pleasures in poetic pains that only poets know......~Unknown

Marshalzu

Member Elite

since 2001-02-15

Posts 2681
Lurking

9 posted 2001-04-13 04:28 PM

Oooh yes I like this loads, I might give this a try... or maybe not.. anyway great piece.

" No Army can conquer a galaxy, yet faith alone can overturn the universe."

anonymous albert ?

Member Elite

since 2001-03-23

Posts 2979

10 posted 2001-04-14 12:41 PM

niceeeee poem! i liked it. keep writin

Fading Away

Member Elite

since 2001-03-14

Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia

11 posted 2001-04-14 11:05 AM

*Applauds*
This is such a unique format. One that's very hard to do well.. looks like you've got that down

Wonderful job.. Always a pleasure to read.

--Marie

subconsciously, i think i can eat so much to make my stomach hurt, instead of my heart.

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