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ethel lahootie
Member

since 2001-03-06

Posts 143
SC, USA

0 posted 2001-04-11 09:08 PM

~this may suck...if it does then sorry guys!!!

~

Close your eyes
Take a deep breath
Release
Now open your eyes
The wind tangles your hair
Salt is in the cool breeze
You can taste it, feel it, hear it
Foam lightly touches your feet and gleefully runs away
As if playing a game of tag
You take a few steps forward
The warm ocean water engulfs your ankles
This is your paradise
The moon lights the beach
You seem to be in the spotlight
Slowly a smile comes upon your face
You close your eyes
Take in deep breath of salt air
Sigh a sigh of relief
And open your eyes
You are here…
In paradise

Allan Riverwood

Member Elite

since 2001-01-04

Posts 3502
Winnipeg

1 posted 2001-04-11 10:32 PM

I liked it... it was neat how you went from imperative to narrative mid-poem. I've never seen that done before, kudos on originality.

~Allan

Concieted?? Impossible! That would be a fault!

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

2 posted 2001-04-12 04:10 AM

I liked it....*looks around* so THIS is paradise?
Next to Allan in a poetry forum?
OH GREAT!

haha....nice poem!

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

DancinQueen

Senior Member

since 2000-07-29

Posts 1092
Kokomo,IN,USA

3 posted 2001-04-12 11:00 AM

ahhhh wonderful poem

Makes me feel like I'm on vacation..keep posting

*dq

¤Sometimes the hardest thing to get over, is something you never really had¤

banburycross
Senior Member

since 2001-03-27

Posts 946
viginia

4 posted 2001-04-12 12:40 PM

The feeling of this was really awesome, i liked it a lot. it makes me wish i was actually doing something on spring break.

Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing.

Linc

Senior Member

since 2001-03-07

Posts 552
The Backstreet Boy

5 posted 2001-04-12 12:49 PM

Hey,

This is a cool poem, loved it. Oh and Banburycross then do something

-- Linc

Acies

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-07

Posts 7665
Twilight Zone

6 posted 2001-04-13 05:04 PM

You did really well on this one. It had a certain appeal to it. I've always been impressed with your work and i do hope to see more. thanks for sharing

"So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this give life to thee." W.S.

Child of the Stars

Senior Member

since 2000-09-07

Posts 1658
Ann Arbor, MI

7 posted 2001-04-13 08:38 PM

*breaks out into song* Sooome-wheeeere over the...rainbowwwwww......Hehehe, nice poem.

~Carly

There are pleasures in poetic pains that only poets know......~Unknown

anonymous albert ?

Member Elite

since 2001-03-23

Posts 2979

8 posted 2001-04-14 12:45 PM

nice poem! but i written on that similar subject but mine was the opposite of ur discription.
but anyhow i liked it nice job

Fading Away

Member Elite

since 2001-03-14

Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia

9 posted 2001-04-14 11:00 AM

I liked this a lot! The description is beautiful.
Nicely done!

--Marie

subconsciously, i think i can eat so much to make my stomach hurt, instead of my heart.

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