»
Archives
»
Teen Poetry #4
»
empty
| Teen Poetry #4 |
|
empty |
|
|
chas Member
since 2001-04-08
Posts 101Lynn, ma |
Sunshine and ocean breeze, Walking, waiting, notice me? I search for you, where are you now? I have come, For you, For you are the one, I see you there on the ocean waves, I am scared, But you’re so brave, Wait, I’ll follow you to where ever you go, Wait a moment, For I am slow My shoes, my socks, and all my clothing, I’ll take them off, But it’s so cold, Will you hold me? Keep me warm, For it is dark and lonely without you, I am coming, No I’m not, You’re so far, Are you moving further away? Or am I standing here all dazed? I don’t know what’s happening, I am sinking in the sand, The water flows past my knees, I am freezing, Cannot breathe, The water’s moving, Or is it me? Am I closer? I cannot see, My vision’s gone, The salt is blinding me, Where are you now? Talk to me, I need to hear you, Speak carefully, You sound so faint, Can it be? You are not there, You are gone, And my heart is empty. |
||
| © Copyright 2001 chas - All Rights Reserved | |||
JBaker515
since 2001-02-28
Posts 458Dartmouth College |
Chas, thats a great poem, i really liked it. I cant wait to read more from you my friend!! Welcome To Passions!! Jeff |
||
|
Child of the Stars
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658Ann Arbor, MI |
Welcome to Passions, chas! This was a terrific first post...empty hearts aren't very cool, eh? Well I look forward to reading more of your poetry and your responses to our superb family of poets!(Please check your e-mail for a special greeting!)  ~Carly- Moderator/Passions in Poetry NOTE TO SELF: Live to love and love to live. |
||
|
Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Nicely done chas! I enjoyed this a great deal. Welcome to Passions! Enjoy your stay!  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
||
|
Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
I have to comment on something... I really admire how you organized the lines in this poem. Some lines were much more effective as they stood alone. Like "wait" and "wait a moment." I really like how you used these two lines, the way they are different shows some sort of impatience in the narrator's tone. Very well done on this. Oh and as Carly said, empty hearts are not cool.  Welcome to Passions in Poetry! ~Allan The sun was born, so it shall die. ~VNV Nation, "Further" |
||
|
banburycross Senior Member
since 2001-03-27
Posts 946viginia |
Welcome to passions!! great first post, i'm sure you'll like it here. i look forward to seeing lots more from you. |
||
|
Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
Welcome to Passions, chas!  I really like this poem a lot... I especially liked the format. The style really added a lot to the poem. Very nice job. I hope you like it here I'm sure you'll be a great addition here.Again, Welcome  --Marie |
||
|
Lakewalker Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289On the streets w/ people |
Welcome to Passions So I'm a little late, sue me Nice job on your first post here, I like. I also noticed what Allan said, and I'm not just saying that. Good job on the poem."Be kind for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle" Plato. |
||
|
Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
WELCOME TO PASSIONS!!! Nice to see you onboard Hope you enjoy reading other's poems as well as sharing yours have fun You already started with a marvelous first post thanks for sharing "So long as men can breathe or eyes can see, |
||
|
Linc
since 2001-03-07
Posts 552The Backstreet Boy |
Keep it up, hope to see more of your work -- Linc "Once you reach your original goal it seems that the journey was your real accomplishment." |
||
|
anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
yep great job.liked it |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
