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Teen Poetry #4
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doll
| Teen Poetry #4 |
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doll |
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grey::tears Junior Member
since 2001-03-07
Posts 19lost within my mind |
i look in the mirror you are there, we are happy our mouths are smiles and our eyes seem to sparkle we dont even see the prblems. emotions seem to play tricks like that... were we every really happy? but deep inside, they do not splarkle they are pits of sand, that cannot be conquered. cannot be saved... our hands unlock, and i shrink back with each step my size decreases soon, you dont even notice me i sit, as a long forgotton doll in a long forgotted corner helpless and alone, i sit here with nothing to do, but watch you my life long gone, but yours just beginning so it seemed... i see you start to slip so young, so unknowing you dont even see your foot leave the ground but i did i tried to call out, but you didnt answer i tried to catch you, but you fell too fast i tried to lift you up, but you didnt even know you were down so many times i watched you hurt begging for a death that seemed to never come begging for another life, that you knew would be no better than the one you have sitting in a corner, for all these years i learned to keep my silence, and never speak, unless spoken too but it was so hard to watch you dig your own grave. i bit my lip unitl i couldnt feel it i tried to scream, but you didnt hear i was so distant by now... you grew, and seemed to be gettig up but all of you wasnt coming, you forgot some behind, just like you had once done to me i learned to love my corner alone and peacful would i come back if you asked me? nicely... however, the other in the corner was more restless than i she pulled you down, just before you reached me just before you were free again this is until i realized, i was still looking in the mirror... A.K.S. |
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| © Copyright 2001 Alex Stoyko - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Kandi Member
since 2000-06-14
Posts 354North of Hell |
Wow...okay this was really amazing. I loved the whole "doll" perspective, but the very ending was what really got to me...nice twist. GREAT job! And if this is based on a real-life situation, I hope you or your friend is okay!  Keep writing - you're really talented. ~K~ "Don't spoons just make you smile? My friend is more of a FORK person, the butterknife makes me cry..." -Hallucinations in Blond |
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Child of the Stars
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658Ann Arbor, MI |
Very good. Spellcheck rules. I liked this a lot...depressing...*sigh* keep dat head facin the clouds, okay? Sometimes you just gotta, cuz it's billions of times prettier than some of the thoughts we have to deal with.~Carly NOTE TO SELF: Live to love and love to live. |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
Pretty good job! I think it all worked rather well. Perhaps you would consider trying to make it a bit more stanza-oriented? It'd flow better that way. ~Allan Concieted?? Impossible! That would be a fault! |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
I liked it....thought it was done well. Some spelling errors though..kinda stopped the flow....but nonetheless a wonderful job.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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banburycross Senior Member
since 2001-03-27
Posts 946viginia |
I liked the idea and the perspective of this poem, very nifty indeed. great job, keep posting your work. Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing. |
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Linc
since 2001-03-07
Posts 552The Backstreet Boy |
Hey, I am glad you decided to post more of your work. I though you have left  hope to see more of this great poetry -- Linc "Once you reach your original goal it seems that the journey was your real accomplishment." |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
Hey, girl.. it's good to see you back and posting again. This is a beautiful poem. You are a talented writer.. I hope I get to read more from you soon. Stay strong... LYLAS. --Marie subconsciously, i think i can eat so much to make my stomach hurt, instead of my heart. |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
This is a good read, but I'd organize the lines a bit to my liking  But all in all, I did enjoy the read"So long as men can breathe or eyes can see, |
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