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Waiting
| Teen Poetry #4 |
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Waiting |
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dreamer1 12 5 24 Member
since 2000-12-11
Posts 150crossing between |
This is a little long, I know it, please, bear with me. (This was inspired by the phrases thread in Poetry Challenge, Poet deVine came up with the phrase "lost in twilight hues", so thanks go out to her.) lost in twilight hues I sit. waiting wondering what exactly, it is that I am sitting here waiting for. waiting I wait and watch the stars slowly pass by. Then, the sun rises up over the hill throwing glorious colours across the velvet sky- pink, purple, red, orange. Pastel splattered and smeared on a tableau of brilliant colour. waiting The sun reaches the peak of it's journey and it's bright rays warm me cheer me as I wait. waiting The sun sets painting the clouds reddish pink, like blush. The sun is so bright, it creates a pulsing in my head. I count the pulses and wait. waiting The grass of the plain sways in the breeze, as the moon rises, making a swooshing noise- shhh-shhh shhh-shhh shhhhh.... the moon is full and bright, comforting in the cold. waiting I see someone walking towards me. Maybe this is waht I have waited for for so long. It walks closer. It looks human but it is not. I know it- but I'm not sure how. It has a ghostly look to it, or maybe it's just the moon. I can't see it's face. It is wearing a black cloak with a hood that hides the face. There is only black. Slowly, it walks closer. This is what I have been waiting for. Again, I am not sure how I know this. It approaches me. I allow it to. It touches me. I feel weightless. I follow it, floating, to another world. ....peace as a primary objective is dangerous because it implies that we would sacrifice any principle for the sake of it.... Robert Kaplan [This message has been edited by dreamer1 12 5 24 (edited 04-09-2001).] |
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| © Copyright 2001 Adam Everett - All Rights Reserved | |||
Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
This is fantastic! I really love how you put it together, such short lines made it flow marvelously, the descriptions you used are simply outstanding. I really do love this poem a lot. The line here- "or maybe it's just the moon." This one really got to me. Such a wonderful job, the story you told here was so dreamy... it drew me right in. Welcome to Teen #4, Dreamer!  ~Allan The sun was born, so it shall die. ~VNV Nation, "Further" |
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banburycross Senior Member
since 2001-03-27
Posts 946viginia |
the flow of this is perfect and the imagery truly superb. excellent job, keep writing and posting. Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing. |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Welcome to teen 4!! woh00! I really liked this! Very different from what I'm used to seeing. I liked it though. Very well done.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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dreamer1 12 5 24 Member
since 2000-12-11
Posts 150crossing between |
Wow! Thanks everyone! I apprieciate the welcome. Thaks for the kind comments on my poem too. Gee, why do I limit myself? I should have come here on my first day! Oh well, I'm here now. See you all later. ....peace as a primary objective is dangerous because it implies that we would sacrifice any principle for the sake of it.... |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
Wow, Dreamer, this is a fantastic poem! First of all, welcome to Teen 4! Second, this poem was excellent. The short lines were great, and I loved the way you used one word in a few of them. The flow was awesome.. I really enjoyed reading this, and I can't wait until I get to read more of your work. --Marie "Hope is a thing with feathers that perches in the soul." --Emily Dickinson |
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Heavens Tears
since 2001-03-15
Posts 677 |
Great job. This is the first of your poems I have read, and I really like the style. Keep posting. *If the only place I can live my dreams is in my sleep, then I'll sleep forever!* |
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Marshalzu 
since 2001-02-15
Posts 2681Lurking |
This is the only piece I have seen to read but I must say that it truly superb. Hope to see more of your work in teen poetry 4. Andrew. " No Army can conquer a galaxy, yet faith alone can overturn the universe." |
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dreamer1 12 5 24 Member
since 2000-12-11
Posts 150crossing between |
Thanks everyone for the warm welcome to Teen 4! I'm liking it here a lot! I'm sorry I havn't had much time to reply today, I'll do that now. Bye! dreamer ....peace as a primary objective is dangerous because it implies that we would sacrifice any principle for the sake of it.... |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
A little long, but the ending made it all worth while. Amazing write my friend. Job well done "So long as men can breathe or eyes can see, |
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