Teen Poetry #4 |
Untitled |
starryeyed999 Junior Member
since 2001-03-05
Posts 35 |
You had your chance, but blew it. We could've made something. I knew you liked me, and you knew I liked you... even though you weren't ready for this, you could've told me how you felt. Instead, he came along, He got the guts, Yes, the one you don't like. We could've been together, but now its too late. Please, don't hate me, you know I couldn't wait. You see, I like you both, but he was ready for me, I can't just wait until it's convienent for you, I had to move on, and see if there was something new. <*Lacy*> |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Well done. I liked it, but the subject is blah. I think it sucks to like two people at the same time and then be sorry that you're with one. SO it's like you'll continue to like both and then what's the point in beign in a comittment? I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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Lakewalker Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289On the streets w/ people |
Good job on this poem I'm wondering if you gave this to the other one? "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle" |
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Empty tears Member
since 2001-03-12
Posts 64 |
All i can say is that i totally agree w/ dopey, 'nuff said. |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
Reminds me of first come first serve Hey girl, you gotta do what you gotta do "So long as men can breathe or eyes can see, |
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banburycross Senior Member
since 2001-03-27
Posts 946viginia |
i like this a lot, i think you wrote it very well. my only critique is in the lines: "i knew you liked me, and you knew i liked you" i think that the first stanza would flow better if you brought the and down to the begining of the next line, instead of having a line break after and, but that's just me. anyway, great job, keep posting your work. Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing. |
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