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Teen Poetry #4
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Today
| Teen Poetry #4 |
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Today |
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silvrduck Member
since 2000-11-05
Posts 146 |
Today was a day I shall not soon dismiss Though not marked by a victory Or a rebel’s lovely kiss Today was a day My hope was serene I was able to trace back To the peace in my dreams Today was a day It was uncovered from neglect The tingles in my chest This missed feeling, I didn’t even suspect Today was a day Your hand lingered a second more And that made today.. All the more worth living for. *The hardest thing to do is watch the one you love, love somebody else.* |
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| © Copyright 2001 silvrduck - All Rights Reserved | |||
Child of the Stars
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658Ann Arbor, MI |
OOOOoooh very nice one ya got here, silvrduck. Hehe, ducks are KOO. Well anyways...have a nice day, all right? KAY!  ~Carly Many miles behind my eyelashes, there always seems to be the strangest things, the slightly sane, that only I can see... [This message has been edited by Child of the Stars (edited 04-02-2001).] |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Very positive poem here. I enjoyed the message a lot! Hope to see more!  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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Lakewalker Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289On the streets w/ people |
Oh, now this is a good one! nice job on the poem "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle" |
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lonely*soul Member
since 2001-04-05
Posts 396east haddam (moodus) ct :) |
ohh...i like! simple yet cute! good job, ive read some of your other poems, you have a talent!!! hehe <3 kim |
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fozzyozzy Member
since 2001-03-15
Posts 336Lessburg Virginia |
I LOVE the flow here. Every rhyming line seemed perfectly matched. Whatever happened to make you write this, let's hope it happens again "The heart can think of no devotion |
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banburycross Senior Member
since 2001-03-27
Posts 946viginia |
This is really beautiful!! the rhyme and flow are nearly perfect and the ending was good. it sounds like a good day to me. Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing. |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
"Today was a day I shall not soon dismiss Though not marked by a victory Or a rebel’s lovely kiss" Wow.. This is so beautiful! The flow is perfect... great job! --Marie It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives. |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
that was really good. I like it a lot. Good for you hope things get better and better"So long as men can breathe or eyes can see, |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
I'll contradict Fozzy Ozz... the flow needs help. Try to trim the lines to similar size... that's my critique. ~Allan The sun was born, so it shall die. ~VNV Nation, "Further" |
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Attack Ferrit Junior Member
since 2001-04-09
Posts 41texas |
nice post. the flow does need some work though. the begenning line of each stanza "Today was a day" is a pretty quick line to read where as some of the other lines get pretty long. rearanging some words would make it much smoother. still a very nice post. |
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