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Teen Poetry #4
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CLBinLOVE
Member
since 2000-06-04
Posts 147
Hilton Head, SC, USA

0 posted 2001-04-01 09:14 PM


cloudy sky,
hovering above the cars
above the skyscrapers
above me

a cool breeze
russtles the trees
russles my hair
cools me

its going to rain
should i step back inside
to get a umbrella
for my girl and me?

sure,
i grab one
i like getting wet
but for her

then i walk down the street
nice and cool and grey now
without the suns white light
to warm me

i walk to her door
i knock
from inside i hear her comming
i glance again at the sky

"you dont mind getting a bit wet do you?"
"not if im with you"
i smile
and kiss her forehead

i wave to her dad
then we're off
"so what movie you want to see?"
"its your turn to pick"

i sigh
and smile
how can i love her this much?
doesnt matter

it begins to drizzle
i look to her
she shrugs
we walk on

we reach the theater
dripping wet
its raining, pouring
someone has a towel in their car

i run and grab it
"thanks mike"
we dry off
we're in love


well, ihave no idea what this is, just a thought i came up with, i dont even know if it makes any sense, but oh well, its here now


let the fighting words lie
let the candle light die
let the sun come up
let the same imply
~EvE 6


© Copyright 2001 Craig Baker - All Rights Reserved
AngelShell
Member
since 2000-03-01
Posts 446
not heaven nor hell so...
1 posted 2001-04-01 09:19 PM


Wow, I liked this.  It was different, the lines were quite short and this gave them, in my veiw, more impact.  Isn't it great to be in love like that.
You're lucky.

Don't let her go.

Isabel Galaxia
Senior Member
since 2000-06-18
Posts 733

2 posted 2001-04-01 09:31 PM


You are so weird my darling.  Sure it makes sense now, with my 4 1/2 hours of sleep, not MY fault *cough cough*.  I really like that one, I think it's gonna be another one I print out and brag about.  Hey if I saw that shooting star and told you about it...does that mean you can wish too...?  *hmmm* Lemme shut up now, I love you honey.
Te amo mi amor
Bel

silvrduck
Member
since 2000-11-05
Posts 146

3 posted 2001-04-01 10:05 PM


I really, really liked this! the style was different, but it fit the mood of the poem.  
Sounds like you're really in love (lucky!)
Keep up the great work and good luck!

*The hardest thing to do is watch the one you love, love somebody else.*

cherish
Senior Member
since 2001-03-25
Posts 1639
swimming in fairy floss...........
4 posted 2001-04-01 10:19 PM


i really really really liked this one it was so cute...and although you may not think it made sense..it does!!!!!!!!!!!! ...its one of the sweetest poems ive read..
banburycross
Senior Member
since 2001-03-27
Posts 946
viginia
5 posted 2001-04-02 01:04 PM


This is a very sweet poem and i like it especially because the format is very unique.  I hope everything works out for the two of you.

Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing.

Fading Away
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia
6 posted 2001-04-02 03:43 PM


This is a great poem, CLB.  Very sweet    Have you ever tried writing prose?  You should check out Passions in Prose, I think you would be good at it.  Nice job.

--Marie

It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.

Elvenblood
Member
since 2001-02-17
Posts 409
Maine, USA
7 posted 2001-04-02 04:34 PM


     Actually it seems to make a lot of sense.  Maybe it was a subconscious thing.  Like a dream or something you know?  Water is classic representation of emotions in dreams and other mind things.  The song Desert Rose by Sting is so much more beautiful when you know this.  Good info to have, and a great poem byt he way!  

"Some men see things as they are and say why.
I dream things that never were and say why not." ~RFK

Dopey Dope
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico
8 posted 2001-04-03 07:35 PM


I thought it made complete sense. Very nicely done here. *sneezes* I liked it a lot!

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

ethel lahootie
Member
since 2001-03-06
Posts 143
SC, USA
9 posted 2001-04-03 09:34 PM


i'm majorly jealous... ...once again another lovely and romantic poem to none other than KT! hehe it was good ~jo~ the gurl who has probs w/e greetings
Acies
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665
Twilight Zone
10 posted 2001-04-19 06:33 PM


you're a great sotry teller, maybe you should try prose too  

"So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this give life to thee."  W.S.

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