Teen Poetry #4 |
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rain |
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CLBinLOVE Member
since 2000-06-04
Posts 147Hilton Head, SC, USA |
cloudy sky, hovering above the cars above the skyscrapers above me a cool breeze russtles the trees russles my hair cools me its going to rain should i step back inside to get a umbrella for my girl and me? sure, i grab one i like getting wet but for her then i walk down the street nice and cool and grey now without the suns white light to warm me i walk to her door i knock from inside i hear her comming i glance again at the sky "you dont mind getting a bit wet do you?" "not if im with you" i smile and kiss her forehead i wave to her dad then we're off "so what movie you want to see?" "its your turn to pick" i sigh and smile how can i love her this much? doesnt matter it begins to drizzle i look to her she shrugs we walk on we reach the theater dripping wet its raining, pouring someone has a towel in their car i run and grab it "thanks mike" we dry off we're in love well, ihave no idea what this is, just a thought i came up with, i dont even know if it makes any sense, but oh well, its here now let the fighting words lie |
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© Copyright 2001 Craig Baker - All Rights Reserved | |||
AngelShell Member
since 2000-03-01
Posts 446not heaven nor hell so... |
Wow, I liked this. It was different, the lines were quite short and this gave them, in my veiw, more impact. Isn't it great to be in love like that. You're lucky. Don't let her go. |
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Isabel Galaxia Senior Member
since 2000-06-18
Posts 733 |
You are so weird my darling. Sure it makes sense now, with my 4 1/2 hours of sleep, not MY fault *cough cough*. I really like that one, I think it's gonna be another one I print out and brag about. Hey if I saw that shooting star and told you about it...does that mean you can wish too...? *hmmm* Lemme shut up now, I love you honey. Te amo mi amor Bel |
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silvrduck Member
since 2000-11-05
Posts 146 |
I really, really liked this! the style was different, but it fit the mood of the poem. ![]() Sounds like you're really in love (lucky!) Keep up the great work and good luck! *The hardest thing to do is watch the one you love, love somebody else.* |
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cherish Senior Member
since 2001-03-25
Posts 1639swimming in fairy floss........... |
i really really really liked this one it was so cute...and although you may not think it made sense..it does!!!!!!!!!!!! ...its one of the sweetest poems ive read.. ![]() |
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banburycross Senior Member
since 2001-03-27
Posts 946viginia |
This is a very sweet poem and i like it especially because the format is very unique. I hope everything works out for the two of you. Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing. |
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Fading Away![]() ![]() ![]()
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
This is a great poem, CLB. Very sweet ![]() --Marie It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives. |
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Elvenblood Member
since 2001-02-17
Posts 409Maine, USA |
Actually it seems to make a lot of sense. Maybe it was a subconscious thing. Like a dream or something you know? Water is classic representation of emotions in dreams and other mind things. The song Desert Rose by Sting is so much more beautiful when you know this. Good info to have, and a great poem byt he way! "Some men see things as they are and say why. |
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Dopey Dope![]()
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
I thought it made complete sense. Very nicely done here. *sneezes* I liked it a lot! ![]() I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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ethel lahootie Member
since 2001-03-06
Posts 143SC, USA |
i'm majorly jealous... ![]() |
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Acies![]()
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
you're a great sotry teller, maybe you should try prose too ![]() "So long as men can breathe or eyes can see, |
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