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Teen Poetry #4
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The Babydoll Thief
| Teen Poetry #4 |
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The Babydoll Thief |
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UnPumpkin Junior Member
since 2001-03-25
Posts 18 |
One after one you steal the dolls from my house Their brittle porcelain gives so easily. Arms, legs, rounded head. And last, always, the tender bellyflesh. One after one you steal my innocences The pretty soft girlishness so easily violated. Black eye, bloodied lip, squeezing the breath from my throat; These were a few of your favorite things. No one noticed when you painted over the infant pink and talcum babysmells with whiskey; And you kissed away every complaining tear with a LIE; But the nightmares never stop, and i can't rinse your face from my eyelids. To Steve, the only person i ever truly hated. |
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| © Copyright 2001 UnPumpkin - All Rights Reserved | |||
Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
Ah, you just defined the art of hate poetry! "A Civilized Rage." That's definitely what we have here. You drew a wonderful parrallel in this piece. It really improved the message wonderfully. I love the way you worded it all too! Very creative... you have a real way of saying things as nobody else would think to. Kudos to you.  ~Allan If I had your eyes, I'd be blind. For I can only see out of my own. ~~Carly Van Dort |
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keoni Senior Member
since 2000-10-16
Posts 850Up in the mountains in the NFC |
I'm sorry that this happened,but this is a great piece. I really enjoy your work. Can't wait to see more. Jon "Your anger is a gift"-Rage Against The Machine |
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anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
like the style u wrote the poem another nice job done  |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
Great job on this. I liked the style a lot... nicely done. --Marie I never thought that you would ever be the one to let me down. I guess that just goes to show how wrong I always am. |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Wow a lot of power in this one. I thought you did so well on this. The last line was my favorite. It really completed the poem for me. Very nice.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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anomaly187 Member
since 2000-06-15
Posts 284San Francisco,CA,US |
I've returned to the addition of another great poet...this is some great writing you are putting out..not only this one but your debut poem as well..indeed very powerful..great work "When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro" |
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emptyness Member
since 2000-03-09
Posts 95mobile,Ala,USA |
thi was a wonderful poem i do like how you wrote it and compared it to dolls a side note:know that i am here to run off the bad deams, wash your eyelids and protect you from all the steves in your life "Cogito ergo sum"-I think, therefore I exist |
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Deranger Member
since 2000-05-10
Posts 498Somewhere, between here and there |
Interesting title...hmm, interesting name...connection? Excellant metaphor! The use of unusual words were a great help to an already emotionally strong piece. I appologize; a shame greatness rises so beautifully from tragedy... (Hey, the guy above me stole my SKULL!!! Punk, you give it back!) Spreading insanity, one post at a time |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
Now, you got me all mad  not at you but at your situation hope things are better stay away from this person "So long as men can breathe or eyes can see, |
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