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princess^sarah
Member

since 2001-01-12

Posts 131
melbourne

0 posted 2001-03-24 03:14 AM

you stole my heart
and left me torn apart
you stole the sparkly from my eyes
and left me with a pack of lies
i thought you were the guy
but now i wonder why.

i shared with you one happy day
now i wish the memories would go away
love you, i did, not realizing
you thought i was just a kid
long is the pain
as deep as the hurt i feel
the hurt that will not heal.

Deranger
Member

since 2000-05-10

Posts 498
Somewhere, between here and there

1 posted 2001-03-24 03:43 AM

This seems to be a recurring theme in your poetry...well, i'll great love is at least that strong...kinda has a tendency of getting into your head and not wanting to leave.

I like the rhyme scheme (Whoa, those are weird words...), i really love rhyme...anyway, love is tough, and so is life, but the harder the road the sweeter the rewards at its end...or so i'm told.

AngelShell
Member

since 2000-03-01

Posts 446
not heaven nor hell so...

2 posted 2001-03-24 06:41 AM

It's an interesting and extremely common theme. Young love. Isn't that what life is all about? Young love. Don't think about that adult marital "bliss" that they always talk about. Because in the end you'll always look back at your adolecense and think "why couldn't everything be that innocent?". However when the other person doesn't appreciate you and who you are the innocence doesn't mean crap. You'd rather throw the innocence to hades dogs than listen to him tell you that "you don't understand". But I do understand, and I sympathise with you all the way (if that is the right word to use without sounding superficial).
I like your work, it's bare yet sweet. To the point.

Don't fade.

Fading Away

Member Elite

since 2001-03-14

Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia

3 posted 2001-03-24 10:23 AM

This is nice. But sad... Losing a first love, or one of the first, is hard. I hope writing about it helps.
Nice job on the poem, the rhyme scheme is very good! Nicely done.

--Marie

I never thought that you would ever be the one to let me down. I guess that just goes to show how wrong I always am.

Lakewalker
Member Elite

since 2000-08-05

Posts 3289
On the streets w/ people

4 posted 2001-03-24 11:04 AM

"long is the pain
as deep as the hurt i feel
the hurt that will not heal."

Nice job of expressing this all in your poem, I'm sorry that you have to feel this way. Keep the poems coming

"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle"
"Life's short. If you don't look around once in a while you might miss it."
BothUnknown

Allan Riverwood

Member Elite

since 2001-01-04

Posts 3502
Winnipeg

5 posted 2001-03-24 02:01 PM

I think I know what you are talking about, kid.
Well I must say your poetry is coming a long way. Just don't post that limerick you showed me... haha... that was so poor it made me laugh out loud.

Great job on this one, as usual. I had no idea you had such a talent locked in you. It's starting to show these days.
~Allan

If I had your eyes, I'd be blind. For I can only see out of my own. ~~Carly Van Dort

HappyPretender
Junior Member

since 2001-03-06

Posts 38
Prince George, VA

6 posted 2001-03-24 05:44 PM

Very good poem!! I know how that deep love and hurt goes. It takes a while to get over it and for a while you might lie to yourself and say you're over him but you're not. However long it takes, know that you will. I did so I'm sure you could too. Keep writing!

<3~*Rachael*~<3
*we can't become what we need to be by remaining what we are*

anonymous albert ?

Member Elite

since 2001-03-23

Posts 2979

7 posted 2001-03-24 06:00 PM

luv the poem it is exactly i feel at times in life thanks 4 givin me these true thoughts
live within me again

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

8 posted 2001-03-25 02:47 PM

Nicely done here. Sorry you just realized that he wasn't the one, but you'll tread onto Mr. Right some day.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

Acies

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-07

Posts 7665
Twilight Zone

9 posted 2001-04-01 06:24 PM

Plain and simple...You're trying to find the right person and in the course of it, you'll have bumps to contend with. It never is easy. Hope things are better for ya

"So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this give life to thee." W.S.

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