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| Teen Poetry #4 |
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Identity |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia 
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This type of poem is different from what I usually write, but pretty self-explanitory. It's not my best, but I hope you like it. I'm lost, Frantic. I run up and down the same streets, But my efforts are futile. I see an old man, His wrinkled, weathered hands, Gripping his chest. No, Death, I'm not looking for you... Yet. I keep going, I see two lovers, Fngers intertwined and hearts congealed. No, Love, Yu are not mine to have... Ever. I stumble, I tire, I'm human. At last, In a dark recessed room I see her. She asks, "Where have you been? I've missed you." Her bony fingers grasp mine As I help her to her feet, Her sallow face and hallow cheeks Look so familiar, Yet so forgotten. The pale rags hang off her mere skeleton, And her dull eyes seem to say, "I thought you'd forgotten me... Your burden, Your disease. You are me." I can't get rid of you, But I don't want to. I need you, I depend on you. You make me, You are me. Death, are you coming? --Marie I never thought that you would ever be the one to let me down. I guess that just goes to show how wrong I always am. |
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| © Copyright 2001 Jennifer Floyd - All Rights Reserved | |||
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keoni Senior Member
since 2000-10-16
Posts 850Up in the mountains in the NFC |
I like this one. Reminds me of the poetry that I used to write. Very cool. Jon "Your anger is a gift"-Rage Against The Machine |
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anonymousfemale Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797Limbo |
Excellent. Another library piece. It's the kind of poem that you just want to read over and over again. Congratulations, only a few people can make me do that. ~AF~ "It is not necessary to change. Survival is not mandatory." |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
This poem was really sad, but written quite well. I suggest that if you are suffering from some sort of eating disorder that you seek aid within a trusted individual or a professional. If you'd like to ever converse about it then I am available at all times.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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Elvenblood Member
since 2001-02-17
Posts 409Maine, USA |
This is incredible. I love the personification, the imagery of it, I've beent hinking of dabbling in heavy use of people to represent things. Good work! "Some men see things as they are and say why. |
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Linc
since 2001-03-07
Posts 552The Backstreet Boy |
Hey, Yet another superb poem that will grace the top of my library. Thanx for the great read and hope your okay  talk to you soon.-- Linc "Once you reach your original goal it seems that the journey was your real accomplishment." |
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fozzyozzy Member
since 2001-03-15
Posts 336Lessburg Virginia |
That "you are me" line hit me like a freight train carrying bricks. Super-duper poem. "The heart can think of no devotion |
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sherm Member
since 2000-07-21
Posts 94Evansville,IN |
great poem i really liked the style and the message Its better to be hated for who you are than loved for who you are not |
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grey::tears Junior Member
since 2001-03-07
Posts 19lost within my mind |
i really liked that poem. it was very well written, and powerful. loved it. A.K.S. |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
Wow... you got a very positive response out of anonymousfemale. Trust me, she usually only does that for me.  Well I thought this was OUTSTANDING myself. Don't say not your best, 'cause IMO that's just what it was. The imagery was outstanding. "Rags hang off her mere skeleton..." ohh... pure genius. It was very VERY original and VERY well written. To my library as well. ~Allan If I had your eyes, I'd be blind. For I can only see out of my own. ~~Carly Van Dort |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
I think you did pretty good have you ever tried writing longer lines and writing it in free verse form i think you'll be awesome at it with your grasp of words i'd really like to see you try it "So long as men can breathe or eyes can see, |
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