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Ricky
Junior Member

since 2001-02-25

Posts 28
West Virginia, USA

0 posted 2001-03-15 09:52 PM

I've lived here for a long time
In this little old house of mine
Working during the day to earn a dime
All that I do is never a crime

Except for this one time
Where I took my old car of mine
And tested with an old lady infront to see if it could stop on a dime
When the cop saw me it became a crime

So I did what I had to and paid my time
Stayed in my old little jail sell of mine
My only friend I had was what was in my pocket, an old dirty dime
When I threw it at someone the gaurds said it was a crime

So here I am doing more and more time
I try not to mind anyone else business but mine
It's hard not to through this other dime
And make this time of mine go longer for all this crime

Just something I came off the top of my head with.

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

1 posted 2001-03-15 09:59 PM

This kind of confused me. I didn't like this one much. You have a lot more talent than what you've displayed here.
Anyway, hope to see more.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

Ricky
Junior Member

since 2001-02-25

Posts 28
West Virginia, USA

2 posted 2001-03-15 10:18 PM

I know... most of my bored stuff does sound kiddy-like.

Allan Riverwood

Member Elite

since 2001-01-04

Posts 3502
Winnipeg

3 posted 2001-03-16 09:55 AM

I'll agree. This wasn't very good. The rhyme was WAY overused, and got tired quickly.
But thanks for sharing at least.

~Allan

If I had your eyes, I'd be blind. For I can only see out of my own. ~~Carly Van Dort

Acies

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-07

Posts 7665
Twilight Zone

4 posted 2001-03-20 07:25 PM

I just hope that this is not something that really is happening in your life.

"So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this give life to thee." W.S.

Fading Away

Member Elite

since 2001-03-14

Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia

5 posted 2001-03-20 07:48 PM

I didn't like this either. It was too repetitious. I've seen most of your work, and I think this one doesn't even compare to a lot of your other poems. Keep posting, though.

--Marie

I never thought that you would ever be the one to let me down. I guess that just goes to show how wrong I always am.

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