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Teen Poetry #4
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The Moment.
| Teen Poetry #4 |
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The Moment. |
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Marshalzu  
since 2001-02-15
Posts 2681Lurking 
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" The Moment" I'm waiting for the moment To tell you how I feel To release me from this torment Where I follow you with zeal I need to apologise And rectify my mistakes I don't know If you realise Just how much my heart breaks I know I'm not so perfect And I know I'm not a saint I'm hoping you'll detect That I'm about to faint It's not that I didn't love you Or that I was so abused It wasn't that my heart was blue It's just that I was confused I thought that I was honest But all I told was lies And I know that the real test Is when I look into your eyes I didn't want to hurt you Or cause you any pain I know that isn't true And I've hurt you once again I know that it was selfish I think it was all greed I'd say I couldn't help this But lies you don't need I'm hoping that you love I hope you'll take me back But If we just couldn't be The I'll watch my heart turn black I'm looking for a way out But I need to tell you this I want to scream and shout but it's the point i'm trying to miss I'm waiting for the moment to tell you how I feel I'm releasing all my torment In love I hope to seal. To Gemma for all the hurt and pain I've caused you please forgive me. Friendship may end in love but love in friendship never. |
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| © Copyright 2001 Andrew Sewell - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
Oh she will. Just show her this piece of magic.  Are you from our planet? I don't know where you are from, strange one, but I like your writing.  Seriously, excellent poem as usual. The flow of it was very nice. I liked how you rhymed "Selfish" with "help this." That didn't bother me as it normally would have. It fit the flow wonderfully. See you around, Marshal. *bows* ~Allan If I had your eyes, I'd be blind. For I can only see out of my own. ~~Carly Van Dort |
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CLBinLOVE Member
since 2000-06-04
Posts 147Hilton Head, SC, USA |
i enjoyed the rhyme scheme, it was pretty consistant. it might work better if you used a rythem pattern too, but thats just my experience, and then again maybe u did and i jus didnt see it lol very nice, and she'll forgive you, dont know why but girls tent to like poetry ;-) let the fighting words lie let the candle light die let the sun come up let the same imply ~EvE 6 |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Nicely done here......I thought you did quite well. I think everybody else said what I would have, so i'll just echo them.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. I'm in love with my shadow I admire it daily |
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Linc
since 2001-03-07
Posts 552The Backstreet Boy |
Hey Marshalzu, Same...this was a great poem and everything they said  keep up the great work.-- Linc "Once you reach your original goal it seems that the journey was your real accomplishment." |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
Very nicely done! I love the style of rhyming. Awesome job. Keep posting. --Marie I never thought that you would ever be the one to let me down. I guess that just goes to show how wrong I always am. |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
I'll sum up my thoughts of the poem this way: Show her the poem and her heart will melt Thanks for sharing "So long as men can breathe or eyes can see, |
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