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Sandcastles
| Open Poetry #12 |
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Sandcastles |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738
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How pathetic, must I be? How many bruises on my knee... (how many arguments in me?) How much tide, bequeath the sea? and what is there, that's left of us? Beneath the noon, turn sand to dust? a summer's day within sun's gaze... each footstep disappears in lust. Certainly...we call sand man... and dig a trench to quench the land... watch me now, I dig a moat the ditch of deep of love's forbode... watch me now, I draw the bridge... a palette knife to sharpen ridge. and every cup I overturn is memory of love that's spurned. towers, aching, to the sky, I never knew how much too high... I sculpted dreams made of wet sand and prayed, the sun, would understand... And sun? he came relentlessly... and brought the tide...me back to sea. [This message has been edited by serenity (edited 01-24-2001).] |
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| © Copyright 2001 serenity blaze - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Wow...emotions are sure at the surface in this one...great imagery...parallels many feelings... well done Serenity... |
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nakdthoughts Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200Between the Lines |
gosh darn gee.....I am sighing all over again this morning..time to get off before I hyperventilate...huggzzzz sweet serenity ~Wynter "The worst prison would be a closed heart". ...Pope John Paul II |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
How pathetic, must I be? How many bruises on my knee... (how many arguments in me?) How much tide, bequeath the sea? and what is there, that's left of us? Beneath the noon, turn sand to dust? a summer's day within sun's gaze... each footstep disappears in lust. ======================= I sculpted dreams made of wet sand and prayed, the sun, would understand... And sun? he came relentlessly... and brought the tide...me back to sea. ================== look at me twin working those metaphors with poetic perfection ... look at me girlie working the imagery like a painters brush ... look at me sweet sen ... wrapping it all up in emotions and heart strings ... look at Ms. Karen growing every day ... with each new poem ... right before our eyes proving shes a poet AND a writer ... look at me smiling watching her fly  love ya me poetess of heart me Poetry is not an opinion expressed ... It is a song that rises from a bleeding wound ... or a smiling mouth. ~Kahlil Gibran~ |
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Poeminister Senior Member
since 2000-02-26
Posts 1862Regina SK; Canada |
You've weaved wonderful imageries with your feelings in this one. Enjoyed the read. Poeminister "It is our business to go as we are impelled." ~ D.H. Lawrence [This message has been edited by Poeminister (edited 01-24-2001).] |
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Krawdad Member Elite
since 2001-01-03
Posts 2597 |
". . . me back to sea" for an eternity but love's returned in serenity. keep it up, kid . . . lyw! kraw' |
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spiked Senior Member
since 2000-01-13
Posts 873Hammond, La USA |
We face so many question everyday that never seem to get answered Serene. You've found a way to add images to these questions. Nice write Rich |
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VAS Member Rara Avis
since 2000-11-16
Posts 7450Oregon |
Very nice! I do so love the sea. |
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Gentle Spirit Member Patricius
since 2000-10-09
Posts 13989 |
The parallels in this are truly wonderful. You have woven quite an intricate web of emotions with this. Well done indeed!! On the wings of words our spirits fly, and our souls are free. Donna Smith |
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doreen peri Member Elite
since 1999-05-25
Posts 3812Virginia |
hey you! somebody told me you were a fine writer and i said... I KNOW!!! KNOW!!! damn, girl, the way you weave the words is frigging awesome quote: those lines made me gasp! (smoketapsip).... seriously! i thought i wrote them until i read your name... LOL *wink* and this line.... quote: harpo? would you STOP already!!!??? hehe you got my head spinnin' just thinking about mirrors... geez, girl!  (nice write, serene one... be serene, someone must!) |
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Wilfred Yeats Member Elite
since 2000-08-04
Posts 2704Wilmington, Delaware |
bravo bravo bravo - this is sooooo excellent - wow - wow wow !you got me square tween the shoulder blades - knocked me flat |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
Karilea, thank you, your unfailing kindness makes me admire your grace as much as I do your poetry! Wynter--I've been doing a lot of sighing lately myself! Thanks and hugs, and I'm getting by...lol JM--m'twin, you havc my undying gratitude, you've encouraged me more than I can express. Thank you, lovie! Poe---Thanks to you as well, and HUGS for your kindness. Krawdad--hope all is well with you my friend...thank you for the sweet verse! Rich, thanks for reading, and I'm afraid nothing's very clear to me anymore...but thanks. VAS--thanks much for reading! GS--I appreciate your comments as well...you live up to your name! Doreen? Somebody said something GOOD behind me back???? LOL...WOW! Wilfred, here, lovie, let me give ya hand up! Sorry about that, I tend to write with a lead quill sometimes...lol...but thank you much m'friend! Thanks to all, and HUGS TO FORUM! |
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Kethry Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-29
Posts 9082Victoria Australia |
Serenity, Wow oh Wow! image magic! write on Keth Those of us who refuse to risk and grow get swallowed up by life. Patty Hansen. |
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bslicker 
since 2000-12-04
Posts 2321state of mind |
This was so good i just had to bring this back to the front. Way to go.  beautifully painted words.Bernie |
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Paula Finn Member Ascendant
since 2000-06-17
Posts 5546missouri |
Thanks to Bernie for finding this...I missed it the first time thru...girl oh wow...this is very dark and powerful...just the image if sandcastles drying away to nothing in the sun...hugs honey you know where I am...love ay |
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