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Red-uni
Member

since 2000-07-30

Posts 192
Georgia, USA

0 posted 2001-03-15 10:48 PM

Hi, I would appreciate some feedback on this one, my first fantasy piece:

No one goes west of the valley Zeus the evil one lives there.
A talisman he stole from goddess, Aphrodite, by putting potent in her wine to cause deep sleep.
Awakening she finds the talisman and Zeus gone, as tears she sheds, for he was her love, now he has betrayed her.
Zeus, who once was a good god, turned evil, now to live on Earth.
**

A mortal, Suess, strong and brave must recover the talisman, before the quarter moon.
On that night the holder of the talisman will rule Earth.
Others go with Suess, frightened, for Zeus cheerfully receives no one.
Suess comforts the others, quieting their fears, to retrieve talisman for goddess, Aphrodite.
**
The talisman is returned, and Aphrodite and the other gods and goddess rejoice bringing Suess to live with them and watch over mortals in battle. The people of the valley rejoice and have banquet fit for a king.
Singing and dancing all night, knowing with Suess they have won the battle.
Suess and Aphrodite look down from the heaven and smile, for all is well.

**
Aphrodite and Suess begot a son, named Thor, who will reign on Earth as the protector of good.
Thor is raised to do battle, being honest, brave and strong, hating evil.
When evil again surfaces to take over the world he will be ready.
**
Without the talisman and living on Earth, Zeus lost his powers, but knows one day again he will be strong.
Zeus has teamed with Hades, his brother, god of the underworld,who will teach him black magic.
On the eighteen year after Zeus was first defeated, Hades who has trained him well gives him a ring.
which has great powers to use to defeat the good of the Earth.
Hades had the ring from the beginning, now he has a deciple to do his bidding, striking down the people of the Earth so he can rule.
His ring was given Hades on the same night that Aphrodite received her talisman, the two of them were the watch dogs of these great tressures.
The ring only can rule the world only on the aniversary year of the day that it is worn by the beholder, unlike the talisman that can do so on every forth night.
Hades was given the ring in the beginning when he became a god, before he turned to forces of great evil and left heaven to rule evil serverents.
The ring was to have been kept in a locked box guarded by Hades, who bitter at the gods for not making him the ruling god left to one day rule using evil.
As the people of the valley rejoice, no one knows the insidious attack that is to come.
**
Years go by, all is good with the people of the valley, as Thor grows strong, brave and honest.
He learns the skills of the bow and sword, and takes Sharma to be his bride.
Sharma eyes sky blue with light hair, a beauty to behold.
**
Time has passed it is now eighteen years from when Zeus was defeated.
Zeus received the ring of power, one year has he to prove he can rule; not knowing when his deed is done Hades will again take the ring and rule in his place.
A spy in the mist, sent by the gods, reports to Aphrodite the treacherous deed.
Soon Zeus will be ready to rise against mortals; Thor must be ready to lead the people and rid the world of great evil for if the people of the valley are defeated so will be the rest of Earth.
The valley people are the threashold to the entire world, thus is why if they fall the whole people of the Earth become servents of the fallen god.
The End

[This message has been edited by Red-uni (edited 03-16-2001).]

SEA