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thecraig
Member

since 2001-03-11

Posts 223

0 posted 2001-03-15 03:24 AM

When the lines are drawn
& the battle closes in.
escape from,
times that feel so wrong;

A place where,
easy dreams appear
& fantasy makes true
a prayer so very few
allow to realize
behind frightened lying eyes,
eternal life's inside;

Between the guess's shelved
since doubt was knocking in.
& in spouting nerves self felled
when blood was running thin;

Safeties thrill,
unfulfilled
opens windows,
opportunistic courses,
choosing hinders
futuristic forces,
guiding through the trenches
on the benches in the mind;

When the fight is fierce
compounding tight about,
with no relief
using strike & shout,
pressure's squeeze,
brings near internal bleed;

Clean water holds the seal,
& lightens fears unreal,
changes look & feel.
Veins inwardly then peel;

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

1 posted 2001-03-15 05:53 AM

I loved this---but forgive me if I digress--this did sound like the cycle of refrigeration! hmmm...I like...now let's hit defrost!

ethome
Member Patricius

since 2000-05-14

Posts 11858
New Brunswick Canada

2 posted 2001-03-15 06:21 AM

Great write!
I really like this...

"A place where,
easy dreams appear
& fantasy makes true
a prayer so very few
allow to realize
behind frightened lying eyes,
eternal life's inside;"

Love that outlook it's positive and compelling!

And this is a very interesting ending to say the least!

"When the fight is fierce
compounding tight about,
with no relief
using strike & shout,
pressure's squeeze,
brings near internal bleed;

Clean water holds the seal,
& lightens fears unreal,
changes look & feel.
Veins inwardly then peel; "

Very creative indeed! However I have to agree with Serenity somewhat!

The poet is like a cocoon; in him the caterpillar of the past finds rest, and from him the butterfly of the future emerges.

[This message has been edited by ethome (edited 03-15-2001).]

thecraig
Member

since 2001-03-11

Posts 223

3 posted 2001-03-16 01:12 AM

Defrost into a pleasant spring. Thankyou bothyour comments were appreciated

Allan Riverwood

Member Elite

since 2001-01-04

Posts 3502
Winnipeg

4 posted 2001-03-16 08:14 PM

I enjoyed this quite a bit.
"Safeties thrill
unfulfilled"
For some reason these two lines had a neat impact. Hey, don't ask me why.

~Allan

If I had your eyes, I'd be blind. For I can only see out of my own. ~~Carly Van Dort

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