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Open Poetry #12
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Rain Dreams
| Open Poetry #12 |
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Rain Dreams |
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Paula Finn Member Ascendant
since 2000-06-17
Posts 5546missouri |
In my mind dreaming Of walks in the fresh spring rain Holding hands with you. |
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| © Copyright 2001 Paula Finn - All Rights Reserved | |||
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WhtDove Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-22
Posts 9245Illinois |
This was sooooooooo sweet!! Oh the days....  Brought happy smiles<*\\\>< I know not what the future holds, but I know Who holds the future. I don't question YOUR existance - GOD |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Ah Paula....thank you.... |
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Marsha
since 2000-07-10
Posts 7423Maidstone Kent England |
Paula dear heart, and I certainly couldn't pay a visit here without telling you how really beautiful this is I love it you know dear heart, it is superb Love nad warm stuff Mushy  |
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Marge Tindal
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
Paula~ Funny how so much is said in so little a space. Wonderful Senryu. ~*Marge*~ ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~ [email protected] |
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catalinamoon
since 2000-06-03
Posts 9543The Shores of Alone |
Simply perfect. S |
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Sven
since 1999-11-23
Posts 14937East Lansing, MI USA |
I remember days like this. . . excellent. . . ---------------------------------------------------------- To the world, you may only be one person. But to one person, you may be the world. |
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emily Member
since 2000-10-03
Posts 142USA |
simply wonderful, what a fresh feeling I got reading this. Help you grow as a writer, ah, yes, I too am growing. I've been writing and studying and I see you have a flair for imagination. here is what I would humbly suggest. I dreamt within my mind I was walking in fresh spring rain holding hands with you. I simply tried an active voice approach deleted "the" before rain for simplicity just a suggestion, I always hold my breath before critique unless I know someone is open to it. The final word is always the authors!!!!!!! Emily |
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Nate Dogg Senior Member
since 1999-11-15
Posts 1658Georgia, Fulton |
A perfect little poem...thanks for sharing! Nathan |
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Just A Woman Senior Member
since 2001-03-10
Posts 507 |
this type of poetry is not a haiku, right? But something similar? A beautiful image this brings! |
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Daniel J D Senior Member
since 2000-10-01
Posts 1471Hillcrest, Queensland, Australia |
Paula, Just you. Respond to my call and let the waves of my heart fill your life with the wonders of love (Daniel J D) |
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Paula Finn Member Ascendant
since 2000-06-17
Posts 5546missouri |
WhtDove...Im glad I could bring a smile to your face...thanks Karilea...lol sweetie you are welcome Marsha...you are ever welcome here dearest sister of my heart...thank you Marge...sometimes saying less says it all...thank you sweet lady Sandra...thank you so much Sven...Im glad to bring back happy memories for you Emily...I dont mind critiques...this particular style is called a senryu and it has a specific syllable count per line...in this case 5-7-5...so although the way you placed you words works...it doesnt fit the syllable count... Nathan...always happy to share with you sweet friend Just A Woman...its called a senryu...it uses the same syllable count as a haiku...it can just be about anything...not just nature like a haiku...thank you Daniel...would you like to walk with me? |
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gardawg Junior Member
since 2001-02-08
Posts 34W of Seattle |
In my mind dreaming Of walks in the fresh spring rain Holding hands with you. Paula, looked you up. Good ku. Sweet. I tend to minimal so might do in my mind walks in spring rain your hand held but that would be mine not yours. Thanks. Gary |
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JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
This is nice Paula...James |
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ethome Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858New Brunswick Canada |
Small but beautiful yearning words...well done dear poet lady! |
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Paula Finn Member Ascendant
since 2000-06-17
Posts 5546missouri |
gary...yours is nice too...but it doesnt fit the syllable pattern of a senryu...but I do so love your minimalistic verses James...I'm glad you like it ethome...you know how I have fallen in love with this style...makes me work a little harder at presenting my thoughts...thank you sweet poet |
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