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Red-uni
Member

since 2000-07-30

Posts 192
Georgia, USA

0 posted 2001-03-05 02:27 PM

The pitfalls are deep.
Sank,into bottomless abyss.
Childhood cruel, frightening,
finding no comfort,
scared to tell,
less harm come.
Demon appeared nice,
kind, and loving.
Deceived others,
not the child.
Grew up fragmented,
a stranger to herself,
for she is many.
They protected,
and still are there.
Now time to become one.

[This message has been edited by Red-uni (edited 03-05-2001).]

Sunnyone
Member Ascendant

since 2000-07-06

Posts 5334
Staffordshire, England

1 posted 2001-03-05 03:11 PM

I understand this one all too well.....and you did a splendid job explaining it. If these are feelings that haunt you, know that you are not alone, and we share similar demons.........excellent write!!

Live...Love...Be grateful for both!!

Red-uni
Member

since 2000-07-30

Posts 192
Georgia, USA

2 posted 2001-03-05 07:55 PM

SunnyOne.
Thanks for your comment, sorry that you knew too well of which I wrote. I would not wish that on anyone. Take care.

Red

Temptress

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 1999-06-15

Posts 7136
Mobile, AL

3 posted 2001-03-05 09:19 PM

I wish you love on your journey of becoming one, my friend.

As to the poem..I have a few things only.

While I like it, I think it could use a few changes. (insert slap here if you don't want comments) LOL !

1. While "bottomless pit" is a good description, it could be dressed up a bit. Think about this "bottomless pit"..really take the time to think about it and what it holds or the depths it might not reach. Then describe it a litte differently. Or you can just use the thesaurus to find a different word for pit. I kind of like chasm (that could or could not be the same thing. You might want to double check that or you could just use that concept instead of "bottomless pit")

2. On "Not knowing herself" perhaps something more like "A Stranger to herself" or similar could give the whole "trying to know oneself having never known before" stance a little more power.

Just some suggestions.

Red-uni
Member

since 2000-07-30

Posts 192
Georgia, USA

4 posted 2001-03-05 10:56 PM

Thanks, I edited with your suggestions.
Red

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